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But there was nothing she could do to help him out of his current disapproval. She had to take care of herself, and whether or not he was down with what she did to keep herself in a “normal” bandwidth wasn’t going to change her reality.
“Doesn’t have to be easy to be right.”
His eyes slipped to Tohr’s. “You’re going to get him,” the Brother whispered. “Don’t you worry about that.”
knew she would remember the magnificent sight of his warrior’s vengeance forever—
She frowned as she sensed his emotions. How . . . strange. That shadow she had always sensed in the lee of his grid wasn’t a mere second-stringer anymore—it was as tangible and vivid as that which had always been the primary construct within his psyche. In fact, as he stared up the alley, the two parts of him . . . became one.
He had given her what she wanted. When it had really mattered, he had done right by her. And now he was going to hold her as her body grew colder and she drifted away from where he was going to stay. The separation was going to last longer than the number of days he knew her.
Death was messy and painful and largely predictable . . . except when it didn’t feel like behaving and decided to exercise its bizarre sense of humor.
Verily, she had lost her mother . . . but if she lived through this, she still had family. On this side.
She stared up at him, seeing him for all he was, the fighter and the lover, the lost soul and the leader . . . the bonded male who was nonetheless prepared to let her go.
“So, thank you,” she murmured. Well, you know . . . you’re not exactly the kind of female a guy would get flowers for. Sort of limits my options.
And as she thought about all their ups and downs, that was the one constant, wasn’t it. He always put her first.
It was hard to explain. But what was between them went further than a mating ceremony or a back carving or a witnessed exchange of commitment. He couldn’t put his finger on the why of it . . . but she was his missing puzzle piece, the twelfth in his dozen, the first and the last pages of his book. And at some level that was all he needed.
Now? As in . . . now? Xhex . . . you’re having trouble standing. She looked him straight in the eye, and when she spoke, her voice ached—God . . . how it ached. “Then you would hold me up, wouldn’t you.” He traced over her features with his fingertips. And as he did, for some strange reason, he felt the arms of infinity wrapping around them both, holding them close . . . linking them forever. Yes, he mouthed. I would hold you up. I will ever hold you up and hold you dear, lover mine.
Her last breath was naught but a shudder and then her head listed to the side, her eyes seemingly still locked upon the flames licking at the logs . . . when in fact, she saw nothing and would be sightless e’ermore.
Darius cleared his throat and worried whether his shoulders were strong enough to bear this weight. However would he complete his next breath . . . the next beat of his heart . . . the next step that must needed to happen?
The stars were out, their shimmering brightness undimmed by the moon which had yet to reach any appreciable height. Where were his dead? he wondered. Which among the tiny lights were the souls of those whom he’d lost?
He shook his head as he stared at the closed door. You never knew the last time you were seeing someone. You didn’t know when the last argument happened, or the last time you had sex, or the last time you looked into their eyes and thanked God they were in your life. After they were gone? That was all you thought about.
As he headed back for the Brotherhood’s mansion, he had the sense that he had lived through a mortal test. And yet he felt no triumph at the besting. He was resolved, though. And as Darius had said, prepared to look forward.
Darius’s voice rang out, pronouncing, “She shall be called Xhexania.” The gentlemale bowed anew. “ ‘Blessed one.’ Yes, that suits her beautifully.”
“ The war waits for no male to be of sound mind.” Indeed, at times ’twas better to be in lunacy.
I have long watched and prayed for you from the Sanctuary. . . . and now that I see you, I find . . . I am well aware that there is much you would need to consider and have explained and be angered over . . . But if you should be of an open heart to me, I should like to forge . . . an affection. I can understand if it is too little, too late. . . .”
And actually, it was because of him she was able to answer at all: Always look forward. There was much in the past that was best left in the annals of history. Here in this room, with these people, she needed to look forward.
Wasn’t going to tell her not to go out there, though. She was who she was and he was mating with a fighter. Just as she was.
There had been so many times since he had come here to stay when people had told him how much his father would have enjoyed people filling up all the rooms and living their lives under the sturdy roof.
Fate was not easy . . . but it got things right. Eventually, everything that came to pass was exactly how it was meant to be.
