I began to be regularly invaded by the strangest fantasies, very intense and hard to escape—they weren’t exactly hallucinations or waking dreams, but they were extremely vivid and, for me, not entirely distinguishable from reality. They’d come out of the blue, with no warning, and no reason that I could understand. It was as though in the absence of the familiar Vanderbilt routine, the fantasies had come to fill the void, and I couldn’t shut them off. Whole hours would go by at night when I was stuck in this alternative universe, struggling to decipher what was going on inside my head.
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