The Center Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness

by Elyn R. Saks

herring,” he said calmly. “It’s not what’s really going on with you.” I was disconsolate. “But what’s wrong with me, that I can’t eat? Is this anorexia? Am I going to die?” He said anorexia was a grab bag term. “We’re not going to focus on symptoms and labels, Elyn. Let’s focus instead on you getting your work done. And for now, just eat more, OK?” His simple-sounding approach to my weight loss didn’t help much, but it didn’t dampen my feelings for him, either. He was so smart, so sensitive, so kind. He knows me like no other, I thought, and he knows what’s best. I would leave his office temporarily reassured—well, if this is what he thinks, it must be true—but once outside, I’d slam into the wall of the truth: It was all going badly wrong. I started muttering again—I am a bad person, I deserve to suffer. People are talking about me. Look at them; they’re staring at me. They’re talking about me.

Intrusive thoughts- demons