The Center Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness

by Elyn R. Saks

matter how crazy it sounded—that was how analysis worked. That was the point. Otherwise, how would she know what was going on inside me? But the people at MU10 didn’t want to know. If they couldn’t tolerate what was in my head, why were any of them in this business? When my scrambled thinking revealed itself, they put me in the hospital version of “time out.” Where was the “treatment” in this? Were they wanting to help me get better, or did they just want me to be socially appropriate? Overall, the sole message they seemed to want me to get was “behave yourself!” This is a classic bind for psychiatric patients. They’re struggling with thoughts of wanting to hurt themselves or others, and at the same time, they desperately need the help of those they’re threatening to harm. The conundrum: Say what’s on your mind and there’ll be consequences; struggle to keep the delusions to yourself, and it’s likely you won’t get the help you need.