And Another Thing... (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, #6)

by Eoin Colfer

“And I myself,” continued Ford in a voice so superior it would have caused single-cell life forms to accelerate their evolution so that they could use their fab new opposable thumbs to pick up a rock and beat him to death. “I myself base most of my calculations on emotions.”

“I like being stupid. You see things clearly. Being stupid is like squinting through the sunlight.”

With the Infinite Improbability Drive engaged, the ship became part of the Universe itself until the coordinates slotted into their tumblers and popped the craft out at the correct destination with the interstellar travel equivalent of a ta-dah, scaring the hell out of the person parked in the next bay. But until that moment anything could happen, especially anything that was highly improbable, which of course then made it probable, which rendered it improbable again, repeating ad infinitum.

The past is made up of memories, which are made up of dead stuff that can’t hurt you, like say a pointy stick could.

he made his real fortune in software, when he patented a program called God Guru, which allowed any would-be me-vangelist to type in a few facts about the community he intended to provide spiritual guidance for and the computer would think about it for a few minutes then spit out an appropriate catechism, complete with the desired number of commandments, justification for any prejudices, and a divine hierarchy. The deluxe package gave the buyer the option of registering himself as an official god using a legal loophole to bypass the usual three-miracle requirement.

Retired rich folk, he was quickly finding out, were the most demanding people in the Galaxy. Nothing was ever good enough or ready fast enough.

Vogon cruisers did not so much travel through space as defile it and toss it aside.

“The Hitchhiker’s Guide is a hundred percent accurate. Reality, however, is not as reliable.”