On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society

by Dave Grossman

Repeatedly we see combat veterans describe the powerful bonds that men forge in combat as stronger than those of husband and wife. John Early, a Vietnam veteran and an ex-Rhodesian mercenary, described it to Dyer this way: This is going to sound really strange, but there’s a love relationship that is nurtured in combat because the man next to you—you’re depending on him for the most important thing you have, your life, and if he lets you down you’re either maimed or killed. If you make a mistake the same thing happens to him, so the bond of trust has to be extremely close, and I’d say this bond is stronger than almost anything, with the exception of parent and child. It’s a hell of a lot stronger than man and wife—your life is in his hands, you trust that person with the most valuable thing you have.