My Phony Valentine (Holidays with Hart, #1)

by Courtney Walsh

I always wondered how I’d act if I ever met a celebrity. Now I know. Mouth agape. Stuttering for words. Making a fool of myself. And I’m not even really a fan.

“Dallas!” He spins toward me, a shocked look on his face, almost like he was expecting a bounty hunter to take him in and collect a giant reward.

But when you’re trying to process your emotions, difficult ones, it’s hard to hear—and read—everyone else’s opinions about them.

And I can’t help but feel a little bit sorry for the man who has everything. Because that everything includes a whole lot of things I would never, ever want in my life.

but Gram’s been calling me that since before I could talk, so she gets a pass.

She reaches for another cracker, and Mom moves the bowl out of her reach. “Those are for the chili.” “But I’m hungry now.”

The residents go romance crazy, which has always been, you know, super fun, as a single woman.

I’ve always thought that kissing booths were so unsanitary. And that kissing should be reserved for two people who at least know each other’s names. And preferably their height, weight, food allergies, and maybe social security number.

How anyone can make running look easy doesn’t make sense to me, but Dallas Burke sure does.

also know that I can cook. And food brings people together in a way that other things can’t. With food, cultures are transcended, walls are broken down, heartfelt stories are seasoned and salted.

I half-believe what I’m saying, preaching to myself.

My method tends to be more open mouth, say stuff.

Gram stares me down. “I told you last night you needed a good woman, and you said nothing about already having one.” “It’s not like that, Gram.” She tsks as she clambers into the back seat of the black SUV. “It’s never like that, Dallas.” She looks at me. “Until it is.”

“I’m old, I’m not stupid. I have TikTok.” I laugh. I don’t even have TikTok.

Him: “I’m not sure. . .” Me: “I don’t think. . .” Together: “I’m sorry, go ahead.” We go back to staring. “Good grief, you’re already acting like a married couple, for Pete’s sake.”

And, like a dog that’s locked on to the ham sandwich you absentmindedly set on the edge of the counter. . .she was going to get what she wanted.

It wasn’t exactly true though, was it? Maybe a year ago, I didn’t care. But the accident was a turning point. One of those moments that shapes your life. Now, living in the after, I look back on everything I had done up until that point and think none of it mattered. Selfish, self-seeking, egotistical.

Her confidence and skill are surprisingly sexy.

“No way.” I face her. “To change course after you’ve already set out in one direction? That takes guts.”

We sit, and there’s a lull. Dallas meets my eyes from across the table. Gram smacks him on the arm, and he says, “Oh, right. Sorry.” He folds his hands and closes his eyes. Is he going to pray? “Lord, thank you for—”

Instinctively, though, I know what he means. People don’t always let us become who we are. They try to keep us in the box of who we were

Margot has been bullying me for as long as I can remember, but the fact of the matter is, I’m not a child.

Alicia suddenly looks like she discovered who the killer was before turning the page in her novel. “Oh, no. You are wholesome.”

Dallas is on the other side, probably wanting to make sure I don’t hyperventilate and pass out in his bathroom.

“People usually try to be whoever they think I want them to be, but you seem to just be yourself. That’s rare.” “I don’t know how to be anyone else,” I say.

Is it possible to be nostalgic for something you never experienced?

I sit back and watch, wondering what it was like to have siblings. Do you just automatically get instant friends?

I mean, what man wants to “sit in a bookstore and read while holding hands and drinking coffee for at least an hour”? Because that’s number ten on this list. Now that I think about it, I wish I did know a man who wanted to do that with me. I’d marry him on the spot.

notice there’s a girl in the bunch, and I silently applaud her for playing this male-dominated sport, secretly hoping she can skate circles around these boys.

I wonder to myself why I don’t have a dog. I’ve always wanted one.

Twice, I’ve fallen asleep on the phone with him, and when I wake up in the middle of the night, I find the call still connected, even though we’re both asleep.

“When did you get so funny?” “It’s after ten, I get funny after ten.” “Ah.”

“It’s fun to cook dinner food. Breakfast is my favorite. I could eat it at any time of the day, but I miss dinner sometimes.”

Eloise giggles. “Ooh, shots fired.”

They know me well, and they know that when it comes to matters of the heart, I’m just not good at holding back.

I open my eyes, and Jericho holds his arms out wide, as if I just stated the secret of the universe. “Bro, you need to wife that girl immediately.”

“Monica is the same way. So smart when it comes to this stuff. I just do what she says.” “That’s because you’re whipped.” “And proud of it!” He grins.

changed. I don’t know him well enough yet to know these things for certain, so instead, I’ll jump to conclusions and fill in the blanks. This

At 8:15, there’s a knock at my door, so I do what I always do when someone knocks on my door—pretend I’m not home.

I learned at an early age how to use anger as a response. It’s not as effective when you’re an adult, punching the world, trying to ward off the ghosts of your past.

but my bladder is raising its hand from the back of the room, demanding attention.

My heart stops beating and I hear the sound of it flatlining somewhere in the back of my mind.

“The only way I know for something like that to lose its power is to shine a light on it. To speak it out loud. To call it what it is, and to own it. That way, it can’t torture you anymore.”

I haven’t relied on anyone but myself for most of my life. It was safer that way. But it was also lonelier. And harder.

Someone flips on Guns N’ Roses’ “Welcome to the Jungle,” and the locker room explodes in pounding and chanting and cheering, but for me, everything goes to slow motion.

I’d never been forgiven for something so monumental, and that forgiveness cracked something open inside me. I felt motivated in a way I’ve never felt before. Not to play this game, but to live life on purpose. With purpose.

But I also know there are some storms we have to weather on our own.

Behind him, I notice some of the others are watching us, like we’re an exhibit in a museum, on display. “Dallas in Love” isn’t a sight anyone is used to. And if I had to guess, at the moment, it’s causing some head scratching.

She smiles, and it feels like I just got zapped with a laser gun.

“Oh, quit it with the ‘I’m a dumb jock’ act,” she says. “There was something about that girl from the first day she came in here to cook for you, and you can’t hide it from me any more than you can hide it from yourself.”