When I engaged with twenty-somethings, for example, who were just entering the adult years, I found them preoccupied with clarifying their identity. What kind of a man or woman am I becoming, they were likely to wonder, and how am I different from my mother or father? They were asking, Where can I find a few friends who will welcome me as I am and who will offer the familylike connections that I need [or never had]? Or, Can I love, and am I lovable? These are relational questions, of course, and I could feel the discomfort of those in their twenties until they get answered. I found fear of
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