How To Win Friends and Influence People

by Dale Carnegie

When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I’ll tell you what you are. That determines your character. That is the most significant thing about you.

“I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,” said Schwab, “the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. “There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.”

I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.

Emerson said: “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

“If the author doesn’t like people,” he said, “people won’t like his or her stories.”

that the expression one wears on one’s face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one’s back.

You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you.

Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.

the average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together. Remember that name and call it easily, and

“Good manners,” said Emerson, “are made up of petty sacrifices.”

Doubtless Mr. —— had considered himself a holy crusader, defending the public rights against callous exploitation. But in reality, what he had really wanted was a feeling of importance.

“They have been so much concerned with what they are going to say next that they do not keep their ears open.

“Many persons call a doctor when all they want is an audience.”

They are not educated,” said Dr. Butler, “no matter how instructed they may be.”

Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested.

But we were guests at a festive occasion, my dear Dale. Why prove to a man he is wrong? Is that going to make him like you? Why not let him save his face? He didn’t ask for your opinion. He didn’t want it. Why argue with him? Always avoid the acute angle.”

I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument—and that is to avoid it.

Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right.

If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.

“No man who is resolved to make the most of himself,” said Lincoln, “can spare time for personal contention. Still less can he afford to take the consequences, including the vitiation of his temper and the loss of self-control.

“I am convinced now that nothing good is accomplished and a lot of damage can be done if you tell a person straight out that he or she is wrong. You only succeed in stripping that person of self-dignity and making yourself an unwelcome part of any discussion.”

In other words, don’t argue with your customer or your spouse or your adversary. Don’t tell them they are wrong, don’t get them stirred up. Use a little diplomacy.

Come to think it over, I don’t entirely agree with it myself. Not everything I wrote yesterday appeals to me today. I am glad to learn what you think on the subject. The next time you are in the neighborhood you must visit us

“If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.”

and each time he made such remarks the balance of the evening was ruined.

Feel sorry for the poor devils. Pity them. Sympathize with them. Say to yourself: “There, but for the grace of God, go I.”

For after all, we are either men or monkeys—and the choice usually lies with ourselves!’

the person who can speak acceptably is usually given credit for an ability out of all proportion to what he or she really possesses.