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Still, I hate them. But, of course, I hate almost everybody now. Myself more than anyone.
my baby :(
Peeta would have nothing to come home to, anyway. Except me . . .
Then there’s Finnick Odair, the sex symbol from the fishing district,
HELL YEAH HE IS
Buttercup,” I say. Thousands of people are dead, but he has survived and even looks well fed.
Downstairs, I snag the game bag off the chair, bouncing it along the floor until I remember it’s occupied.
Omg this is why he hates you
They’ll mostly be worried about how you’re handling it.” Gale touches my cheek. “Like I am.” I press my face against his hand for a moment.
can we not
18:00 — Reflection, a half hour of downtime before dinner. I see the concern on their faces as they try to gauge my emotional state. Before anyone can ask anything, I empty my game bag and it becomes 18:00 — Cat Adoration. Prim just sits on the floor weeping and rocking that awful Buttercup, who interrupts his purring only for an occasional hiss at me. He gives me a particularly smug look when she ties the blue ribbon around his neck.
So it’s almost entertaining to see Caesar Flickerman, the eternal host of the Hunger Games, with his painted face and sparkly suit, preparing to give an interview. Until the camera pulls back and I see that his guest is Peeta.
went from cunt to shock
I drink in his wholeness, the soundness of his body and mind. It runs through me like the morphling they give me in the hospital, dulling the pain of the last weeks.
“You’re alive,” I whisper, pressing my palms against my cheeks, feeling the smile that’s so wide it must look like a grimace. Peeta’s alive. And a traitor. But at the moment, I don’t care. Not what he says, or who he says it for, only that he is still capable of speech.
In some ways, District 13 is even more controlling than the Capitol.
THATS WHAT IM SAYING LIKE CAN WE TRUST THESE PEOPLE
My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am seventeen years old. My home is District 12. I was in the Hunger Games. I escaped. The Capitol hates me. Peeta was taken prisoner. He is alive. He is a traitor but alive. I have to keep him alive. . . .
My skin itches with the ashes of the dead.
I KILL SNOW. If he’s captured, I want the privilege.
“We didn’t think it would be quite so rigid here,” Fulvia explains to us as she massages Plutarch’s shoulders. “Not in the higher ranks.” “Or at least there’d be the option of a little side action,” says Plutarch. “I mean, even Twelve had a black market, right?” “Yeah, the Hob,” says Gale. “It’s where we traded.” “There, you see? And look how moral you two are! Virtually incorruptible.”
Finnick stands among them, looking dazed but gorgeous.
Annie. Uh-oh. Totally forgot her.
In other words, I step out of line and we’re all dead.
Gale finally says, “You’re still angry.” “And you’re still not sorry,” I reply. “I still stand by what I said. Do you want me to lie about it?” he asks. “No, I want you to rethink it and come up with the right opinion,” I tell him.
“Fire is catching!” I am shouting now, determined that he will not miss a word. “And if we burn, you burn with us!”
CUNTTTTT
The one with close-bitten nails introduces himself as Castor and the other, who’s his brother, as Pollux.
Pause, one of them is gonna die ik this
“Fire is catching! And if we burn, you burn with us!”
IF WE BURN YOU BURN WITH US
“I’ll authorize them to surgically implant this transmitter into your ear so that I may speak to you twenty-four hours a day.” Haymitch in my head full-time. Horrifying.
“While I was waiting . . . I ate your lunch.”
At dinner, Finnick brings his tray to my bed so we can watch the newest propo together on television.
bestiesssss
I do feel sick. Heartsick.
“Are you, are you Coming to the tree Wear a necklace of rope, side by side with me. Strange things did happen here No stranger would it be If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree.”
God damn
“Where do you come up with this stuff? No one would believe it if we made it up!” He throws an arm around me and kisses me on the top of my head with a loud smack. “You’re golden!” “I wasn’t doing it for the cameras,” I say. “Lucky they were on, then,” he says. “Come on, everybody, back to town!”
:(
“Maybe I’ll be like that man in ‘The Hanging Tree.’ Still waiting for an answer.” Gale, who I have never seen cry, has tears in his eyes. To keep them from spilling over, I reach forward and press my lips against his. We taste of heat, ashes, and misery. It’s a surprising flavor for such a gentle kiss. He pulls away first and gives me a wry smile. “I knew you’d kiss me.” “How?” I say. Because I didn’t know myself. “Because I’m in pain,” he says. “That’s the only way I get your attention.” He picks up the box. “Don’t worry, Katniss. It’ll pass.” He leaves before I can answer.
BRUTAL
“I couldn’t leave him behind, Katniss. Not twice. You should have seen him pacing the room and howling. He’d come back to protect us.”
i get it
“If Peeta’s right, these didn’t stand a chance,” he says. Peeta. Blood like raindrops on the window. Like wet mud on boots.
Her voice remains steady as she croons to Buttercup. “It’s all right, baby, it’s all right. We’ll be okay down here.”
SHES SO ME
Buttercup, miserable even with Prim’s constant attention, huddles in the cube and exhales cat breath in my face.
“That I knew I’d misjudged you. That you do love him. I’m not saying in what way. Maybe you don’t know yourself. But anyone paying attention could see how much you care about him,” he says gently.
“How do you bear it?” Finnick looks at me in disbelief. “I don’t, Katniss! Obviously, I don’t. I drag myself out of nightmares each morning and find there’s no relief in waking.” Something in my expression stops him. “Better not to give in to it. It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.”
Finnick sloshes some cream in my cup and reaches into the sugar bowl. “Want a sugar cube?” he asks in his old seductive voice. That’s how we met, with Finnick offering me sugar. Surrounded by horses and chariots, costumed and painted for the crowds, before we were allies. Before I had any idea what made him tick. The memory actually coaxes a smile out of me.
I catch Gale watching me and Finnick unhappily. What now? Does he actually think something’s going on between us? Maybe he saw me go to Finnick’s last night. I would’ve passed the Hawthornes’ space to get there. I guess that probably rubbed him the wrong way. Me seeking out Finnick’s company instead of his. Well, fine. I’ve got rope burn on my fingers, I can barely hold my eyes open, and a camera crew’s waiting for me to do something brilliant. And Snow’s got Peeta. Gale can think whatever he wants.
quite annoying
Peeta might have saved them. Add their names to the list of things I can never stop owing him for.
“She’s figured out how Snow’s using Peeta,” says Finnick. There’s something like a collective sigh of regret from the semicircle of people spread out before me. Because I know this now. Because there will never be a way for me to not know this again. Because, beyond the military disadvantage losing a Mockingjay entails, I am broken.
Several sets of arms would embrace me. But in the end, the only person I truly want to comfort me is Haymitch, because he loves Peeta, too.
“It’s okay. It’ll be okay, sweetheart.” He sits me on a length of broken marble pillar and keeps an arm around me while I sob. “I can’t do this anymore,” I say. “I know,” he says. “All I can think of is — what he’s going to do to Peeta — because I’m the Mockingjay!” I get out. “I know.” Haymitch’s arm tightens around me. “Did you see? How weird he acted? What are they — doing to him?” I’m gasping for air between sobs, but I manage one last phrase. “It’s my fault!” And then I cross some line into hysteria and there’s a needle in my arm and the world slips away.
“If they’re not out of there by now, they’re all dead.” He spins in his chair to see Finnick and me reacting to his words.
omg 😭
Making knots. Making knots. No word. Making knots. Tick-tock. This is a clock. Do not think of Gale. Do not think of Peeta. Making knots. We do not want dinner. Fingers raw and bleeding. Finnick finally gives up and assumes the hunched position he took in the arena when the jabberjays attacked. I perfect my miniature noose. The words of “The Hanging Tree” replay in my head. Gale and Peeta. Peeta and Gale.
“Did you love Annie right away, Finnick?” I ask. “No.” A long time passes before he adds, “She crept up on me.” I search my heart, but at the moment the only person I can feel creeping up on me is Snow.
“Finnick!” Something between a shriek and a cry of joy. A lovely if somewhat bedraggled young woman — dark tangled hair, sea green eyes — runs toward us in nothing but a sheet. “Finnick!” And suddenly, it’s as if there’s no one in the world but these two, crashing through space to reach each other. They collide, enfold, lose their balance, and slam against a wall, where they stay. Clinging into one being. Indivisible.
Safe. Here. With me. In a minute I can touch him. See his smile. Hear his laugh.
I’m disappointed that mine was not the first face he saw when he woke, but he sees it now.
Buttercup has now been issued a daily food allowance and a pan of sand that’s kept under the bathroom sink.
HELL YEAH
