Terms and Conditions (Dreamland Billionaires, #2)

by Lauren Asher

The voicemail can be heard loud and clear through the tiny phone’s speaker. Cal whistles before making an explosion noise. “That’s the sound of Declan’s future dying.”

CAL>>>

My tolerance for vodka is right up there with my tolerance toward people—nonexistent.

HES SO FR GVTFXFB

I’m having all too much fun playing with Chicago’s biggest asshole.

SHES SO WIFE PMFG LOVE HER SM

“Excuse me?!” Mom’s ragged breathing has my smile falling. “No, you are not. You’re my one and only baby and I will not let you have some wedding in a back room of a courthouse.” “What’s wrong with that? That’s the way I got married.” Nana actually sounds offended. “Exactly my point, Mother,” Mom says. “The location was convenient. I took my newlywed ass to Bourbon Street, and your father and I made a night of it.” “I’m well aware of the day I was conceived. No need to rehash that story.” I’m not sure how these two live under the same roof without me mediating anymore.

FAO ILT SM ALRADY YGFTUOUT

She slides the papers toward me. “Sure. Once you make the appropriate changes, including upping the initial payment to three hundred million dollars, then I’ll go ahead and sign it.” You little… “You think you’re clever.” Her smile only adds to the heat surging through my veins. “I never asked for an increased paycheck, but since you so generously offered…” Dammit. I cover my small smile with the back of my fist. “Well played.” She winks. “Thank you, sir. You taught me everything I know.” And I regret it every single day.

IM SO GAY HELP

His gaze remains glued to my lips as he drags the clean spoon past them. “All I need to do is keep your mouth permanently occupied.” I graciously proceed to choke.

“I don’t do manual labor.” “Then thank God we’re not having a child the old-fashioned way or else I’d be stuck doing all the work.” Any rebuttal gets trapped in my throat, which only makes her laugh.

BASBHADHAVB IRIS!!

Damn right she wasn’t. Fake marriage or not, Iris is destined to be with one man and one man only. Me.

HGFCHTELJSHEKJZSE

“He’s married.” “You think he might be interested in polygamy? I’ve always been good at sharing.” “I’ll be taking this back.” Declan tries to swipe my mimosa from my hand, but I hold it tightly to my chest. “No!” “Stop lusting after Alatorre. It’s disgusting.” “Mm-hmm.” I pull out my phone and search Alatorre Formula 1. The results are promising. Very promising. “You’re Googling him, aren’t you?” I don’t need to look up to know Declan’s amused. I’m certain if I catch him in the act, his smile will disappear before I have a chance to truly acknowledge it. Santiago Alatorre’s social media accounts are just as enticing as his Google search. “You know what? I think I have a sudden interest to learn everything there is to know about Formula 1.” Declan rolls his eyes in the most un-Declan-like fashion. “Of course you do.”

BASHAGABAHHVBAA

but the amount of vein porn happening has my eyes glued to his forearm like a homing beacon.

LMFAO I LOVE IRIS SM IHIWRWWOHRRFQ

He pulls away, leaving only a centimeter between us. His eyes are screwed shut as if he is in pain. Embarrassment makes my eyes sting. I whisper, “That was hands down the worst kiss in my whole life, and that’s saying something given my last ex—” Declan’s lips slam against mine, shutting me up. A buzz that starts from my lips spreads through my body like a brushfire, and I'm lost in the feel of our kiss. My arms lock themselves around his neck like a lifeline. I feel like I’m lost at sea, drowning in all the sensations consuming me. The press of his chest against me. The weight of his palm burning into the small of my back. The brush of his finger across my neck, so soft it seems reverent. I’m snapped out of the moment by a roar of applause.

GYGYY UUBVJGEGDGXJGG

The photographer coughs. “All right. I got the shot.”

BSAHSABHGABHAAA

I sigh. “Jose does have a way with words.” His arms tighten around me. “Who the fuck is Jose?” I grin into the lapel of his jacket. “Nobody important.” “Good, then at least no one will miss him when he’s dead.”

BAAHASABABAHAHAHA ILTSM GBRBVH

“Get my wife whatever she wants.” Declan doesn’t look up from his tablet. My stomach flutters in a way that has nothing to do with flying jitters.

UGV UEVCUDCVEUVDERCUFFV

“Of course. Right away, sir!” She rushes to the back of the private jet. “Right away, sir!” I echo her enthusiasm with a roll of my eyes. The corners of Declan’s mouth lift as he feigns interest in whatever is on his screen. I glare. “Are you enjoying yourself?” “I do find your possessiveness entertaining.” “I am not possessive.”

JEALOUSY IN BOOKS>>>>>

Is he for real right now? He’s one to talk about trust issues when the man has a seventeen-digit code to unlock his cell phone.

IRIS!! FBHUFCUHHBEUEUCH

He shrugs. “I sponsor a few kids.” I shoot him a look. “Donating to charity as a tax write-off doesn’t count as a sponsor.”

ISNT THAT WHAT ZAHRA SAID?!?!

“Then settle down, Romeo. This is a romance, not a porno.”

THE WAY I CACKLED BAAAHBAHAHSBSBA

“I’m not confused. Far from it, actually. I know exactly what I want.” “And what is that?” “You.”

“You could try to fire me but we both know Iris would hire me back first thing tomorrow morning.”

I luaghed.

Danger. Red alert. DEFCON 1 activated.

I hate it. I love it. And I can’t seem to stop myself from craving more of it.

OH I LOVE IT AND I HATE IT AT THE SAME TIME. YOU AND I, WE DRINK POISEN FROM THE SAME VINE

No wonder the man doesn’t smile often. The world wouldn’t stand a chance against him if he were to use them more frequently.

AHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- Right, sorry.

“Yuánfèn.”

“You look…” He pauses. “If you say nice, I swear I’ll make your death look like an accident.”

LMFAO IRIS!!

harassing an innocent employee because they forgot to use Arial font in an email. I mean, come on, what did Times New Roman ever do to you?” His scowl deepens. “It’s not my fault they can’t follow simple directions.”

HE FOUND OUT DEFF B ECVHJVCHI BHICHUGCHXFFH I WAS WAITING FOR THIS EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

and I can only pray Leo returns to us soon with enough vodka to make his Russian ancestors proud.

She groans. “Shh, Declan. Stop talking and do that thing with your tongue again.”

No. Die.

“What are you doing?” “Helping my wife.” My throat bobs. “You’re growing a bit too comfortable with that nickname for my liking.” “I use it to remind you of your place.” “And what’s that?” “Mine.”

WAS WAITING THE WHOLE BOOM AHAAAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAHAaaaaaAAaaaaaaaAAAAA

“More like famished.” “That makes two of us,” he replies huskily as he presses his hips into my ass. That’s definitely not a phone in his pocket this time. I can tell that much.

LORD HEAVENS ABOVE, IM ONLY HUMAN AFTER ALL

Forelsket1.” His raspy whisper makes me feel like he shares a secret I can’t decode.

VDFCGAURIUGGDSHSDKJDHHMAVAO

I give him another opportunity to confess. “They must be pretty important if you’re going out of your way to subject yourself to walking around a garden for hours while holding my hand.” “You have no idea.” I turn my head away so he doesn’t catch me smiling at his lie.

bdecsucfsgcdsdudsvcedsdjhcv

“If only to save me from tripping over potted plants in the middle of the night when I want a goddamn glass of water.” “Of course. How silly of me to think you wanted to build one to make me happy.” “Anything I do is solely for my benefit.” But his grin says the exact opposite.

Hey Google, what do I do if I can't stop screaming and cackling in a book…?

Declan looks about one comment away from fucking me in his mom’s car, so I stay quiet.

…

“Strikhedonia.” I no doubt butcher the pronunciation, but it seems to draw a genuine smile from Declan nonetheless.

SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THIS AND THE WORD HE SAID BEFORE MEANS RN THIS SEC

“Let’s play a game.” “You and your damn games. I swear it’s like you were deprived of fun as a child.”

IRIS!

His lips press against mine. “That’s narcissistic of you.” I grin. “It must be contagious around here.”

FBEFDREEWGWE

“I thought you would make her fall in love with you, not the other way around.” His head drops back as he laughs, his voice hoarse.

WHEN HE FALLS FIRST>>>>>

“You can take your good morning and shove it up your ass.”

LOVE HER

“Stop fighting and give me ten minutes.” “You don’t deserve ten seconds, let alone ten minutes of my time.” “How about ten words then?” I laugh. “I’d like to see you try.” “I am falling in love with you, Iris Elizabeth Kane.”

WAS WAIT8IBG FOR THIS THE WHOLE BOOK TOOOOOO

“I read somewhere online that sans serif fonts are easier for people with dyslexia to read, so I changed my requirements. Forced everyone else I oversee to switch with me or else they would face my wrath. All because I wanted to help you.”

MY SYANDARDS ARENT HIGH BETHANY!!

“It’s cute you think you can outrun me, but I’ll give you a head start just to make things interesting.”

RED FLAG BUT RED IS GORGEOUS SO KEEP GOING BAE!!!!

“Well, that’s my cue to go find something stronger to drink. There’s no way I’ll get through being the fifth wheel without wanting to chop my own dick off.”

HIS BOOK IS DEFF GON BE MY FAVE

My chest aches from his confession. “That has to be one of the sweetest—but extremely fucked up—things anyone has ever said to me.”

Booktok listening to book men be like:

“Thanks for coming over.” He holds out his hand for Rowan to take. Rowan’s lips twitch as he ignores it and throws an arm around his back and gives him a pat. “Your threats made me curious.” “Threats?” I ask.

GAGSGSHAGGA