Dead Inside

by Chandler Morrison

I’m really not a violent creature by nature, but there’s nothing like a wailing infant to drive me to the brink of contemplating homicide.

I’ve never been any kind of athlete or anything, but am I seriously the only person who realizes that infants are the perfect punting shape? If we replaced footballs with babies, I would have been far more successful in high school gym class.

We just need to fuck dead girls and eat babies and feel good about it.