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Besides, he chose to go to war, and I’m sure he’s having a lovely time strutting about in his smart uniform.”
And although the more robust men in the country were appealing, none of them had the unnameable something Beatrix longed for. She dreamed of a man whose force of will matched her own. She wanted to be passionately loved … challenged … overtaken.
Beatrix had met Christopher Phelan on two occasions, the first at a local dance, where she had judged him to be the most arrogant man in Hampshire. The next time she had met him was at a picnic, where she had revised her opinion: he was the most arrogant man in the entire world.
And I wouldn’t say that Captain Phelan is my suitor, either. At least not my only one. I certainly won’t promise to marry him until he comes back from the war with all his limbs intact.
Oof
P.S. Sketch of Albert included
A DOG SKETCH IN A BOOK
I think you might be my only chance of becoming part of the world again.
I’ll tell you what I’m fighting for. Not for England, nor her allies, nor any patriotic cause. It’s all come down to the hope of being with you.
“All I understand is that you’re being selfish. You’ve made it so that I can’t send a letter to him, because he would notice the difference between your penmanship and mine. The least you could do is keep him on the string for me until he returns.”
Blegh
“It seems we have different interests.” I’m interested in you, and she’s interested in your inheritance.
“Beatrix, I told you the pen needed to be made taller.” “She didn’t leap over it,” came Beatrix’s protest, “she ate through it.”
One had the sense that no matter what she beheld of the sinful world, she would never be jaded.
I’ve always thought there’s a fair amount of dishonesty involved in politeness.
“I know that she’s unruly, opinionated, and far more cheerful than any reasoning person should be. She wears breeches, climbs trees, and roams wherever she pleases without a chaperone. I also know that she has overrun Ramsay House with squirrels, hedgehogs, and goats, and the man unlucky enough to marry her will be driven to financial ruin from the veterinary bills.
“Mark my words, Audrey—I’m going to marry the woman who wrote this letter.” “I am marking your words,” she assured him. “We’ll see if you live up to them.”
“Your …” Prudence hesitated and smiled. “Oh, yes. I remember.” But something about that hesitation bothered him.
For the noncommissioned ones who had joined the army to avoid starvation or the workhouse. And for the junior officers who were experienced and long-serving but hadn’t the means to buy a commission. I had the command only because I’d had money to purchase it, not for any reason of merit.
He had visited old friends in his regiment, but when he had tentatively asked if they were suffering from the same mysterious ailments, he was met with determined silence. It was not to be discussed. It was to be managed alone, and privately, in any manner that worked.
“Are wicked women more entertaining?” Beatrix asked him. “No, darling. But one needs them for contrast.”
She had never experienced jealousy before now, and it was agonizing. It was like a slow death by poison. Prudence had spent the summer being courted by a handsome and heroic soldier, whereas Beatrix had spent the summer with his dog.
“My sister has always had a remarkable ability with animals,” Amelia said. “I’ve always wondered what would happen if Beatrix took it in her head to reform a man.” Leo grinned. “I propose we find a really revolting, amoral wastrel, and give him to Beatrix. She would set him to rights within a fortnight.”
“Those of us who have a difficult time with godliness,” Amelia replied with a grin, “must settle for cleanliness.”
“That’s because the more brothers-in-law I acquire,” Leo said, “the better Cam looks by comparison.”
No man liked to lose control, especially a man whose very life had depended so often on his ability to govern himself.
“I think your problem will fade in time, as mine has. And then it might come back every once in a while, but only briefly. It won’t always be this bad.”
“Mrs. Clocker, my family has always believed that when we are faced with large and apparently impossible problems, the best solutions are found by the insane people, not the sensible ones.”
How many times, she reflected ruefully, she had sought to understand a wounded wild creature. But it was another matter entirely to penetrate the mystery of a human being.
That set him off again. In a display of rank insensitivity to the reproductive rights of small mammals, Christopher had buried his face in a pillow, his shoulders shaking.
Ordinarily there would have been no question concerning which one of them to approach. As lord of the manor, Leo would have been the first choice. However, the Hathaways seemed to have settled on an unconventional sharing of roles. “Which one of you should I talk to?” Christopher asked. They pointed to each other and replied at the same time.
This is my favorite moment in the whole book
“She’s too young,” Leo said. “I’m twenty-three,” Beatrix protested. “In dog years I’d be dead.”
At least one of you should point out that Beatrix deserves a better man.” “That’s what I said about my wife,” Leo remarked. “Which is why I married her before she could find one.”
“The only thing Beatrix knows about being circumspect is how to spell it.”
“He’s a man, dear,” Amelia explained kindly. “Sustained thinking is very difficult for them.” “As opposed to women,” Leo retorted, “who have the remarkable ability to make decisions without doing any thinking at all.”
“My love … I would choose the small sum of hours I’ve spent with you over a lifetime spent with another woman. You never needed to write that note, asking me to find you. I’ve wanted to find you my entire life. I don’t think there’s a man alive who could be all the things you deserve in a husband … but I beg you to let me try. Will you marry me?”
She had an original mind, an intelligence woven of recall and intuition. But the more Christopher learned about Beatrix, the more he perceived the vein of insecurity that ran deep in her. A sense of otherness that often inclined her toward solitude.
“What would you say if you could talk?” he asked. “I suppose it’s better that you don’t. That’s the point of having a dog. No conversation. Just admiring gazes and endless panting.”
Her voice was so soothing and gentle that it would have caused an assortment of cobras, tigers, wolverines, and badgers to all snuggle together and take a group nap.
“Are you going to argue with me?” Beatrix tried to sound meek. “No, sir.” A slow smile crossed his face. “That was the worst attempt at obedience I’ve ever seen.”
“Why did you name her Lucky?” Annandale asked. “I hoped it would change her fortunes.” “And did it?” “Well, she’s sitting in the lap of an earl, isn’t she?” Beatrix pointed out, and Annandale laughed outright.
“Careful. Jealousy is quite unfashionable these days. One must have the sophistication to be amused by the attentions paid to one’s wife.”
… Ramsay was found flirting in the corner with a woman. They had to drag him away from her.” “Who was it?” “His own wife.” “Oh, dear.” “Yes. How unseemly for a married couple to carry on so.” “I suppose the Hathaways know no better.”
Somehow he found the traction to stop it, to hold the madness at bay, reaching for the sense of detachment he both needed and feared.
“When I give you away at the altar, Bea, I want you to remember something. I’m not really giving you away. I’m merely allowing him the chance to love you as much as the rest of us do.”
“Do you like my nightgown?” Beatrix asked. Christopher nodded, not taking his gaze from her. “Where’s the rest of it?”
But the uncompromised closeness she desired would always be impossible for him. The only thing left was to make it up to her in every other way he could think of.
“Husbands do make one cross at times. Tell me your side, and I will agree completely.”
“No marriage stays in the same pattern forever. It is both the best feature of marriage and the worst, that it inevitably changes.
If you can learn to stop expecting impossible perfection, in yourself and others, you may find the happiness that has always eluded you.
Forgive me for not being able to survive … and forgive yourself for surviving. This is the life you were meant to have. Not a single day should be squandered.
