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Ryan rests his chin on my shoulder as I sandwich the graham crackers. “Thank you,” he whispers for no one else to hear. “You saved me out there.” “We’re a team. I’m here to help you out.” “I like the way that sounds.”
“You make me feel relaxed. Like I can be myself.” She holds eye contact, reading me before breaking into a laugh. “Don’t lie to me, Shay. You constantly complain about how messy I am. No way in hell do I relax you.” “You’re chaotic as fuck, Blue, but you bring me more peace than anyone else.”
“Yes, I worry about you and that stresses me out. And you’ve practically shit a rainbow all over my apartment which almost gave me an ulcer, but when you’re home I don’t feel like I have to put on a show. I have a hard
time with new people. I’m sure you know that by now. But with you, I can be myself, and that might seem like nothing to anyone else, but to me, it’s everything.”
“Stop being nice to me or you’re going to make me cry.” I smile at that. “You always cry.” “I know! But that was really nice to hear, Ryan.”
know I am, but my ovaries aren’t. Thanks to my genetic line, at twenty-seven, I’ve got some old-ass eggs. All I’ve ever wanted is to be a mom, and I don’t care how. Stepmom. Foster mom. Adoptive mom. But if I want to keep the very slim chance of being a biological mom, this is my only hope. It might be too late already, I don’t know, but I need to try.” Okay, now I can’t help but touch her. Grazing my fingertips across her cheek, I push her hair behind her ear. “Why would I laugh at that?” “I don’t know. I’ve been told I sound desperate. Maybe I do, but I don’t care. It’s the one thing I’ve
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“There’s nothing desperate about going after what you want most in life. So, fuck him for saying it because even if you don’t want to tell me, I know it was him.” “It might end up being a waste of money.” “Money comes and goes. This is your life. Be selfish for once, Ind. You spent six years catering to that guy’s timeline. It’s about time you do something for yourself.”
“And ironically, you want a child so you have someone else to take care of and therefore you’re not being selfish at all.”
“And you’re probably mentally agreeing with me, but you’re wrong. One day, you’ll see it.”
Because I know it looks as good as it feels in my hands, and I’m over here trying my fucking hardest to be a gentleman while sharing a bed with my biggest weakness.
but I don’t think I’ll sleep a wink. I can’t recall the last time I shared my bed with a woman, and as sad as it sounds, I don’t want to miss a moment of this.
But tonight, I’m playing the point guard’s girl, and I’ve got to admit, it’s my favorite role thus far.
but Ryan has made it perfectly clear that kissing in public is off the table, so I’m going to assume, unfortunately, that means in private as well.
His chest rumbles, his voice lowering. “Trying to distract me tonight? With those heels and those lips? Because you look fucking stunning.”
“You’re far too pretty to be covered in—” “Get your fucking hands off her.” Ryan shoves Connor. “Fuck you! You could've hurt her.”
“I’m fine. I’m sorry.” “Don’t apologize. You’re not hurt?” “No.” “Promise me.” “I promise.” Ocean eyes sweep up my body, taking me in as if he’s double checking that I really am okay. I am, it just scared me a little. Finally, his eyes glide to mine and a soft smile graces his lips, those sweet dimples concaving into his cheeks. “I like having you sitting so close.” I laugh. “Ryan, I just caused you to get a technical foul.”
“Worth it.”
“Daily update—I hope your brother wears his jersey when he fucks me.” I pop my shoulders. “Or I could wear it.”
Ryan’s eyes dart between Alex and me again, and maybe it’s the fact that I’m about two seconds away from crying or that he can physically see that I’m living out my worst nightmare, but he drops his gym bag and in a few quick strides, charges towards me. Before I can think any further, his palms cup my face, long fingers threading into my ponytail, and his lips are on mine.
A small, unpermitted moan creeps up my throat and I feel Ryan’s lips curve up against mine before pulling away. Moving his hand to my lower back, he presses my body into his. His lips dot a map of soft kisses along my jaw, until his mouth ghosts my ear, whispering. “Are you okay?” My chest is heaving uncontrollably so no, I’m not okay. What the hell was that? And when can we do it again? I lie, nodding my head against him.
“Were you waiting for an autograph?” Ryan continues. Is it too soon to tell him I love him? Because I think I might love him in this moment. “Yes!” “Kev,” Alex quietly scolds. “It’s Ryan fucking Shay.” Kevin rolls his eyes, pulls out a Sharpie, and turns around for Ryan to sign his jersey.
“It was acting, Ind.” Oh. The balloon filled with reckless hope pops in my chest. “I thought kissing was off the table. You didn’t want to fake it.”
Call it even? He just gave me the best kiss of my life and it was to settle a score? “Yeah,” I breathe out. “Sure. We’re even.” “Good.” He offers me a smile and a reassuring squeeze of my thigh. “Let’s go home.”
Daily update—that kiss you saw last week was fake, but I still had to change my underwear when I got home. So, kind of real? Stevie If I help you move out, will the daily updates from hell stop?
Sure, it was all for show, but good luck trying to convince my body of that. If that was a fake kiss, I’m not sure I could handle knowing what a real one feels like.
“Indigo Ivers, are you doing…dishes?” I roll my eyes. “Is this what your wet dreams look like, Shay?”
“Adding this image into your spank bank for your next lonely night on the road?” His chest rumbles. “Yes.” His palm glides against my lower back as he backs away, giving me space. “Good morning, by the way.” I swallow down the low moan from his simple touch. “Morning. How was your road trip?”
“Ryan.” I cock my head. “Really. What are you doing?” “Just playing the game you started.” He pushes off the counter, taking two steps towards me. His index finger hooks under the hem of my shorts, igniting my skin with goosebumps. “Wearing these itty-bitty shorts and bending over in my kitchen. Don’t act all innocent, Blue.”
“Indy, what are you doing?” “Do you think I’m pretty?” He rolls his eyes. “Do you?” Ryan levels me with a look, serious and stoic. “I think you’re smart.” Oh. “Kind. Chaotic. A bit of a smartass and too charming for your own good.” Oh, wow. I like that answer much more than the one I was expecting,
“So, you don’t think I’m pretty, then.” He chuckles. “Indy, I’m not blind, but even if I were, I’m pretty sure I could touch your face and understand just how fucking stunning you are, but it’s not the first thing I see anymore.” Well, fuck me.
gentle bite of my ear sends a shockwave to my clit and a moan slips from my lips. “You don’t want to play this game with me, Blue.” Pulling away, he bops my nose with a spoon. “I will always win.” He grabs his yogurt once again and heads towards his bedroom.
“I’m celibate, that’s why.”
when I walked out of the players’ entrance all I saw was Blue. My perfect fucking Blue with those strappy heels, leather pants, and an attitude consisting of the strangest mix of welcoming and sharp. But when I noticed him, all I saw was red.
see you when I get home? Glad that was just a text, because if I said that out loud, I’m pretty sure my voice would’ve cracked like an excited middle schooler getting to see his crush. Yes, but I’ll be home late or maybe tomorrow. I have plans tonight.
What the hell? What plans? And with whom? And excuse me, but “maybe tomorrow”?
“She’s a good one, Mr. Shay. Kind heart.” I soften at his words. “She is a good one.”
It’s impractical, constantly spending money on flowers that will die shortly after bringing them home, but every cent is worth it when I get to watch that beaming smile bloom when she sees them. The girl deserves to be spoiled, and I want to be the one doing the spoiling.
It seemed like something a normal man would do for a girl he likes. Because at the end of the day, that’s who this bookshelf is for.
and it’s beyond endearing that the love between fictional characters can bring her so much joy.
“Don’t freak out.” I stop in my tracks, my hand on my doorknob. “Well, that’s one way to get me to freak out.” “She’s on a date, and the guy is being a creep, making her uncomfortable. She’s at Sullivan’s on eighth.” She’s on a date? My mouth goes dry as rage seeps through every pore of my body. Don’t get me started on how I feel about her being on a date, especially after she told me our date was the first one she’d been on, but
“Get your fucking hands off her.”
don’t give a fuck, Indy.” Just as quickly, his attention swings back to the man behind me. “Did you fucking touch her?” His nostrils flare and if I wasn’t so wrapped up in what’s happening in this moment, I’d give him a pat on the back for pulling off that whole “jealous book boyfriend” thing. “Not in any way she wasn’t asking for.” Oh God, he’s revolting.
“Let’s go home, Ryan. I want to go home.” Finally, he looks at me, his chest thumping against my hand. Cupping my face with his palms, he checks me up and down as if he could tell from my outward appearance. “Are you sure you’re okay?” “I’m fine. I promise. Take me home.”
“Trust me, she was never yours.”
barely open it only for Ryan’s palm to slam it back closed. In surprise, I find him staring down at me, his chest rising and falling in rage, his nostrils flared, and his mouth set in a hard line. But then I look up. Brow creased and ocean eyes swimming in a world of…hurt. I hurt him. Oh my God, I hurt him.
isn’t until he reaches my side that he unlocks the car and opens my door for me to get out because even as angry as he is, Ryan Shay can’t help but be a gentleman.
keep my attention on him, but still, Ryan refuses to look at me. As he holds my door open, I lightly grasp his chin and force him to meet my eye.
for a man who doesn’t let himself get emotional, there’s a whole lot of emotion going on at the moment. He exhales, his voice
“Here, I’ll even add it to your bucket list.” Number 6. Have sex with yourself. “Screw you, Ryan. What if I added that to your list? For you to have sex with someone?” He blinks. “Is that what this is about? Because I told you I’m celibate?”
But deep down, yes, this is because he’s celibate. Because I want him and even though there was an invisible line
