More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
“You should never have to beg someone to be ready for a future,” he says, and the words come out more tender than I think he anticipated.
He doesn’t deserve shit from you, including your tears.”
It’s decided. I’m going to bring some color into Ryan Shay’s life if it’s the last thing I do.
I stare at where we’re connected, her hand small in comparison to mine. And even though she’s big and bold in spirit, she’s soft. She has feelings. A lot of them.
“No. That’s not how this is going to go. When you’re with me, I want you exactly as you are. That includes letting people know just how fucking smart you are. You’re not going to cater to anyone’s toxic masculinity bullshit. You’re not going to be quiet and appeasing when you’re with me. If Ron, or anyone else for that matter, has an issue with you being smarter than him, then we’re going to have a far bigger problem than him thinking I’m not a good leader.”
“Indy.” Both his large hands cup my face. “I don’t give a fuck where we are. You could cry all you want at this fundraiser. You could scream, laugh, throw a temper tantrum in front of these people for all I care. I don’t give a fuck, but you’re not crying over him, here or anywhere else.”
“You can’t stop being who you are because someone else thinks it’s too much, Ind. He can go find less.”
“Do you think I’m a trainwreck, Ryan?” I huff a laugh. “You’re more like a cute little fender bender.”
I’ve always found Indy’s Converse random and a bit strange, but now I find myself wondering what I have to do to get myself added to them.
“Yes, I worry about you and that stresses me out. And you’ve practically shit a rainbow all over my apartment which almost gave me an ulcer, but when you’re home I don’t feel like I have to put on a show. I have a hard time with new people. I’m sure you know that by now. But with you, I can be myself, and that might seem like nothing to anyone else, but to me, it’s everything.”
He was magic
He chuckles. “Indy, I’m not blind, but even if I were, I’m pretty sure I could touch your face and understand just how fucking stunning you are, but it’s not the first thing I see anymore.”
As if her ex-boyfriend wasn’t already the first name on my shit list, the fact that he made this woman think she’s anything less than perfection personified has me close to seeking him out and destroying his life by any means possible.
“Anyone who gets to call you their friend is beyond lucky and if you’re here trying to convince them of that, well then honey, they aren’t your real friends.”
Ryan doesn’t make me feel like a burden. He doesn’t make me feel like I’m too much. I’ve offered him absolutely nothing other than exactly who I am, and he’s embraced every part of me, good and bad.
“Indy,” he whispers from behind me. “What you offer in a relationship, as a friend, a woman, a partner, by simply being who you are is more than enough. And if someone can’t see that you’re everything, then it’s them who's missing out. I know you’re faithful. It’s one of my favorite things about you, but there has to be a limit. Some people don’t deserve your unwavering loyalty.”
And I think I’d like to give the real me to Ryan if he wants it. I think he’d treat my heart with kindness.
“But I spend a lot of your money.” “Someone needs to.” “And I’m messy. You don’t like messy.” “I like your mess.” “And I’m needy. I have no idea how to be alone.” “Good. I don’t want you to be alone. I want you to be with me.”
“I want you, Ryan. I’ve always wanted you, but I didn’t know I could be so lucky to have you.”
“I mean this in the nicest way possible, but Blue, you’re the most inconvenient thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Indy wants me for me
“I like you controlled for everyone else, but I want you unhinged for me.”
“You know, Indy. Ryan doesn’t strike me as the type of man to be loud. He might not say it, might not scream it from the rooftops, but I could bet good money that he says it without words every single day.”
“Sometimes the quietest love is the loudest,”
With my hands bracketed on the sink, I lose it. Tears stream down my face from the overwhelming knowledge that I’ve gone twenty-seven years without being loved the way Ryan Shay loves me. And now I have the privilege to be loved so selflessly, so attentively.
Maybe words of affirmation are his love language. Maybe it’s quality time. I’m not sure, but I’m going to become fluent in them all until Ryan understands just how much I love him. How much I want him for his heart and not for his name.
I like her chaotic and emotional. I like her messy.
“I want you, Indy. I want us. I want our little life we’ve built even when we thought we were pretending. I want you in our house because you’ve made it a home. I want your mess and your chaos. I want your genuine smiles, the ones you wear when you’re around my sister, the hockey team, and me. I want you happy, and I want to be the reason you are. I want you to choose me.”
“I understand what I’m competing against. I know I don’t have your history, but I want your future.”
“I’m sorry someone let you believe you were hard to love, because, Blue, it’s the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”
“You know that jersey you’ve got with my last name on it? When you see it hanging there in your closet, let it serve as a reminder to you, that soon enough, it’ll be her last name too.”
“And because I love you and when I tell your dad that, I’ll be the one to say it.”
Blue, I’m not great with words, so I’ll keep this short. I love you. I will love you as long as you'll allow me the privilege, and even longer after that. I have every intention to give you the life you want. I hope you’ll let me. You can even add this promise to the fridge when you get home. -Ryan
Sometimes history really means nothing when the right people walk into your life.
“I didn’t realize how lonely I was until you. All this time, you were existing outside of those four walls of my apartment. Everything I’ve ever needed existed outside of that apartment. Then you came inside and brought me back to life and I refuse to go back to my world before you. I won’t go back to life before you, Ind.”
“I love that you read romance novels to feel something. I love that you love flowers and plants because nurturing and allowing something to grow is second nature to you. I love that you experience every emotion so hard it takes over your entire body. But baby, I want to be the one to make you feel how your favorite books do. I want to be the one to give you children to nurture and grow. When you think of me, the only emotion I want you to feel is unconditional, earth-shattering love. Because when I look at you, I see my entire future and I can’t stand to live in a world where you look at me
...more
His quiet love. It’s always the loudest.
I’ve gained a new appreciation for the quiet since I met Ryan. The silence allows for a moment of introspection. Now, that silence screams with reminders that I’m worthy. That I’m deserving of the love I read about. I’m deserving of the family I desire, and I know this because I fell in love with a man while I was being completely and utterly myself and he fell right alongside me.
I dreamt for him.
“Did you just develop a breeding kink, Shay?”
“You look good wearing our last name, Mrs. Shay!”
