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I knew she was pretty. I’m not blind, but there’s no way she was as beautiful as they recalled. I was certain they played it up in their minds. They didn’t. I walked into my apartment and realized my mistake. They were right—she’s stunning, and I hate it. I’m not easily distracted, but if I could manifest my perfect distraction, it’d look a lot like her.
When did I say that? I’m a romance reader. I have a thing for assholes.
“Ever hear the phrase ‘she’s not like other girls’?” He gives a small nod of his head. “Yeah, that’s not me. I’m just like every other chick. As basic as they come. I had an Uggs phase. I had a skinny jeans phase. I like my books with romance, my coffee with more creamer than caffeine, and I even take aesthetic pictures of my food anytime I’m at a restaurant.”
“You should never have to beg someone to be ready for a future,” he says, and the words come out more tender than I think he anticipated.
“My name isn’t Indiana, you know. So the nickname makes absolutely no sense. Not to mention it’s longer than Indy.” “Your real name is Indy?” “Indigo, actually. But I prefer Indy.” “Indigo? Like the color?” “Yes, like the color. My parents had an interesting phase when I was born. They had one kid and went with ‘Indigo.’” “So, your name is Blue?” He genuinely laughs and it’s the first time I’ve heard it. Regardless that he’s laughing at me and not with me, I like the sound. “My name is Indy,” I remind him. “So, can we stop with the Indiana nickname that makes no goddamn sense?” He smiles.
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A pop of lavender peeks out from under the pile of pillows. New sheets in my favorite color, and I don’t know how to process how I feel about him remembering that.
My cheeks hurt from the splitting grin on my face. Ryan Shay doesn’t totally hate having me here.
“Shay, you are the luckiest man alive. Please tell me you’re hitting that.” My head whips around to my teammate. “Watch your fucking mouth.” “Well, if you don’t try, I will.” “Dom,” Ethan warns, trying to hold back his laughter. “Ryan is about to combust, so I’d tone it back there, buddy.”
“Stop looking at her,” I warn. “Go hit the showers or get to the airport or just about anything other than look at her. She’s not available.” “So, you are hitting that.” Dom nods in approval. “No, I’m not hitting that. And neither are any of you. Stop looking at her or she’ll be the last thing you ever fucking see.” “Ooooh. Protective Shay is here, and his sister is nowhere to be found. Someone write this date down. History is being made, people. Ryan Shay gives a fuck about someone other than Stevie and something other than basketball.”
“Do you want me to get on my knees and beg or something?” “Now that you say it.” She cocks her head to the side, eyes roaming my length. “I wouldn’t mind knowing what you look like on your knees, Shay.” “Indy, please.” “This is ridiculous. We can talk about it when you get home.” “Perfect. Great. All I’m asking for is one night.” “Go get me your key so I can go crash in my new expensive bed.” “What an amazing guy to buy you a bed. Probably makes you want to return a favor. He seems like a wonderful person.” Indy rolls her eyes. “He’s on my shit list at the moment.”
Although, you could learn a thing or two from my book boyfriends. You do have that broody, mysterious thing going for you already though.” “And that devastatingly handsome thing,”
“I’ll be your date for the wedding.”
I have a strong suspicion that showcasing jealousy won’t be the issue—keeping it under wraps will be.
“Ryan, it's just a kiss. It means nothing.” “It does to me. I won’t fake that part.”
“You’d be good to someone. You’d make someone happy. I can tell.”
That she means I, as a man, as a normal everyday person would make someone happy, and I haven’t let that thought invade my mind in a long time.
I tried! I really tried to keep them alive, but I think I watered them too much and drowned them. Then when I went down to the flower stand today to buy the same ones in hopes you wouldn’t notice, they didn’t have them. So I bought you some called Black-eyed Susan? Which is the weirdest fucking thing to call a flower.
“Do you like your makeup? Did you spend time on it?” She keeps her stare on my tie and not on me. “Yes.” “Exactly. So, I think you should know you did a good job on it.” Those rose-painted cheeks flame. “Thank you.” “How tall are you?” I keep my words low because she’s only inches from my lips. “Five-nine, and no, I’m not going to change into shorter heels.” “Why would I ask you to do that?” She’s done straightening my tie, but her hands are lingering, fingers pretending to work. “Because I’m only a couple inches shorter than you right now.” “I don’t mind.”
Looking down, I watch those flaming cheeks ignite once again. At this rate, I should’ve warned her not to wear blush at all tonight.
Indy’s hand settles on mine in an easy move, unthinking. As if we’ve touched and comforted one another hundreds of times in the past. “What’s wrong?” I stare at where we’re connected, her hand small in comparison to mine. And even though she’s big and bold in spirit, she’s soft. She has feelings. A lot of them.
“You cross-stitch?” “Proudly.” “You grandma.”
Because with how perfect she looks tonight, no one is going to believe she’s mine.
I said I liked him, but if he doesn’t take his eyes off her soon, I have no issue retracting my statement.
Keep an eye on Indy for me. She has no clue that these guys are eye-fucking the hell out of her in that goddamn dress.
“No. That’s not how this is going to go. When you’re with me, I want you exactly as you are. That includes letting people know just how fucking smart you are. You’re not going to cater to anyone’s toxic masculinity bullshit. You’re not going to be quiet and appeasing when you’re with me. If Ron, or anyone else for that matter, has an issue with you being smarter than him, then we’re going to have a far bigger problem than him thinking I’m not a good leader.” “Ryan, it’s fine. I’ve done it for years.” “Yeah, that’s another thing. How fucking small was Alex’s dick that he let you do this? Or
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“Indy.” Both his large hands cup my face. “I don’t give a fuck where we are. You could cry all you want at this fundraiser. You could scream, laugh, throw a temper tantrum in front of these people for all I care. I don’t give a fuck, but you’re not crying over him, here or anywhere else.”
“He asked if you’ll watch after me.” I look back at Indy, but she won’t make eye contact. She seems nervous for what I’ll have to say and maybe she’s wishing her dad didn’t ask that at all. But regardless of his request, I’ve been watching out for Indy since she moved in. I hate what she’s going through, and my understanding is partly why I’ve been so accommodating, but I think selfishly I’ve wanted Indy to be here since the first night she slept in my spare room. Why else would I buy her a bed to sleep in and add vegetarian substitutes to my order every time I get groceries delivered? “Yes,
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I just want the fridge to be stocked with things she can eat. I want her to feel at home here because it’s her home too. The realization rams into my chest. I want her here. I want her to want to be here. Fuck, when did that happen?
“Ryan, if you’re asking if any of my guys are getting with her, the answer is no. Are they trying? I’m fairly certain a few of them have tried, but she’s not interested in the slightest. But if you’re asking if she’s good as in, is she happy? She seems happier than she has been in a long time.”
“Ryan, my guy, you’re so completely fucked, and you can’t even see it.”
This is my version of her. The one where she’s comfortable and casual at home and I don’t want to share her.
“I’m…worried about you, Ind. I was worrying about you the whole game.” Her lips lift mischievously, her tone teasing. “Ryan Shay, do you care about me?” “No.” “You care about me.” “No, I don’t, but I’d rather you not get kidnapped while I’m playing a fucking basketball game.” She moves her shoulders, dancing around the island. “Ryan Shay cares about me!” “You’re annoying.” Her hands go to her knees, and she sticks her ass out, twerking in my kitchen. “Yeah, but you still care about me.”
I’m glad she’s behind me and can’t see the smile pulling at my lips. She’s fucking ridiculous sometimes and I kind of love it.
I shake my head, inhaling through my nose because well…I hate this guy. Indy would never question how magnetic, how distracting she is if she saw herself the way everyone in her orbit sees her. The way I see her. “You can’t stop being who you are because someone else thinks it’s too much, Ind. He can go find less.” From the sounds of it, that’s exactly what he did. You don’t get much better than Indigo Ivers.
“Do you think he loved you the right way, Blue?” “I don’t know. He loved me loudly. I think the romantic in me thought that was the right way. The grand gestures. The big love confessions. He wasn’t afraid to touch me in public but being away from him for the first time in my life, I’m realizing there are a lot of ways in which I thought he was showing me love, but really he was just showing me off.”
I want to kiss her, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop.
Indy is not the type of woman you can simply flush from your system after a single night. She’s the kind to seep into your veins and rewire your brain, making you do and say things you swore you never would. Whether she believes it or not, Indigo Ivers is the type of woman you keep forever, and even though I can pretend to be her boyfriend, there’s no way in hell I could pretend that one night with her wouldn’t completely fuck me up.
“Half of my income though…” I continue. “I donate to charity.” “Really? Where to?” “Well, currently I’m housing this flight attendant who is terrible at cleaning up after herself. Total charity case. Tragic story, really.” She lightly smacks my arm, laughing. “Shut up.” “I donate to Zee’s foundation, Active Minds, but my main focus is Chicago’s public school system. Making sure kids have the textbooks they need for class and food for lunch. And part of my shoe deal is that every year my sponsor has to match my donation in gifting said shoe to kids who need something to wear in order to be
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Call me old-fashioned, I don’t care, but I have yet and will not let her open her own door. Rounding the car, I unlock it on the key fob and open the passenger side to find Indy wearing an unimpressed expression. “You’re so weird about that.” “I’m not weird. You’ve just never had someone take care of you before, so you may as well get used to it.”
but the truth is the only woman who has ever truly terrified me is her. Her intelligence, charisma, and sharp little attitude are the most frightening things about her, because I’ve never felt as weak as I do when I’m around her.
“Settle down, Ronald,” Caroline condemns. “They’re new and young and in love. Let them enjoy it. They’re in the exciting stage, when your bellies fill with butterflies from the prospect of seeing each other. Although, that stage may have already passed for you two since you live together.” “Well—” “It’s still like that.” I cut Ryan off, looking up at him over my shoulder. “Very much so.”
Keeping his lips pressed together, he smiles down at me, those freaking dimples concaving with the glow of the fire lighting his face. “Can I sit with you?” I look to either side of me, but between me and all my winter layers there’s no room left for Ryan on my seat. He bends down, speaking quietly. “You can sit on my lap, Blue.”
Life has a funny way of fulfilling you, even when it isn’t in the way you assumed it’d be.”
But seeing as I’m me, and I can’t allow myself to be vulnerable enough, even for a one-night stand, I’m left dreaming of the blonde living in my house.
I like that people believe she’s mine. I like how it feels to have her in my bed.
A beat passes between us before hesitantly, Indy slips her hand back in mine. It’s soft and small, and I close my fingers around hers before she can leave me again. I can almost hear my nervous heart beating in the silence until her thumb skims mine in a gentle stroke, and fuck if I don’t want to yank her on top of me and kiss her right now. But I can’t. For a multitude of reasons, I can’t, so I keep our hands as the only point of contact.
“Hey, Ind?” “Mm-hmm.” “About last night. I didn’t say it, but I do care about you. You know that, right?” She lightly squeezes my hand. “I know you do. But it’s nice to hear it. Words of affirmation and all that.” “Right. Now, this is the part where you tell me how much you care about me.” She yawns—forcibly. “Oh, man. It’s getting late. So tired.” “You suck.” The bed moves from her quiet laughter. She turns to face me, her hand still in mine and her other tucked under her cheek. “I care about you too, Ry.”
Her voice is barely a whisper when she asks, “Do you trust me?” In theory, it’s a simple question with a simple answer. But trust is the most complicated belief in my world of black and white. If most people asked the question, it’d be an easy no, but with Indy, after only weeks of knowing her, the answer is undoubtedly, “Yes.” Looking over at her, her expression is soft, hopeful. “What?” She shakes her head. “Nothing. I just know how big that is coming from you.” I stroke the back of her hand with my thumb as I turn my body to face her, the only remaining space between us is where our
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“You make me feel relaxed. Like I can be myself.” She holds eye contact, reading me before breaking into a laugh. “Don’t lie to me, Shay. You constantly complain about how messy I am. No way in hell do I relax you.” “You’re chaotic as fuck, Blue, but you bring me more peace than anyone else.”
“Yes, I worry about you and that stresses me out. And you’ve practically shit a rainbow all over my apartment which almost gave me an ulcer, but when you’re home I don’t feel like I have to put on a show. I have a hard time with new people. I’m sure you know that by now. But with you, I can be myself, and that might seem like nothing to anyone else, but to me, it’s everything.”