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I try to sound indifferent, but my voice cracks. “Then he stays.”
“To save Prim and my mother, yes,” I answer. “I mean, no! I’ll get him to come.”
“Get down. Get out of here!”
To me, it’s always the pain that is present.
But I don’t want him to go. In fact, I want him to climb in with me, to be there when the nightmares hit tonight. For some reason that I can’t quite form, I know I’m not allowed to ask that.
“No, I’d have told you,”
One afternoon Peeta stops shading a blossom and looks up so suddenly that I start, as though I were caught spying on him, which in a strange way maybe I was. But he only says, “You know, I think this is the first time we’ve ever done anything normal together.”
Our whole relationship has been tainted by the Games. Normal was never a part of it.
“Exactly. Because you’re desperate,” says Haymitch.
I have to admit I didn’t see it coming.
“You could live a hundred lifetimes and not deserve him, you know,” Haymitch says.
I don’t know what I expected from my first meeting with Peeta after the announcement. A few hugs and kisses. A little comfort maybe.
“It’d be better if he were easier to hate.”
When Peeta holds out his arms, I walk straight into them.
Since I’m the person going in to be slaughtered, this is somewhat annoying.
“Having an eye for beauty isn’t the same thing as a weakness,” Peeta points out. “Except possibly when it comes to you.”
I look up into those blue eyes that no amount of dramatic makeup can make truly deadly and remember how, just a year ago, I was prepared to kill him.
I’m determined to keep him alive, knowing the cost will be my own life,
Our hands find each other without further discussion. Of course we will go into this as one.
We are unforgiving. And I love it. Getting to be myself at last.
“I am not!” I say. “I’ve been practically ripping your clothes off every time there’s been a camera for the last year!”
“For me, you’re perfect.
Kids in costumes are silly, but aging victors, it turns out, are pitiful.
“It can just be you and me, you know,” he says.
And the more I come to know these people, the worse it is.
And a lot of them are so damaged that my natural instinct would be to protect them. But all of them must die if I’m to save Peeta.
But while I know I’ll never leave that arena alive, I’m still holding on to the hope that Peeta will.
No one has ever doubted that Peeta’s defiance was motivated by love.
“I just want to spend every possible minute of the rest of my life with you,” Peeta replies.
“I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever,” he says.
“Make him pay for it, okay?” she says.
“Don’t worry. I always channel my emotions into my work. That way I don’t hurt anyone but myself.”
If I hadn’t spent my life building up layers of defenses until I recoil at even the suggestion of marriage or a family?
Is this an acknowledgment that he has been stalked by the same fears that I have?
This is no place for a girl on fire.
to the spot where I always rest my head,
I laugh, but there are tears running down my cheeks.
I clap my hand over my mouth because I’m starting to make those awful choking sounds that happen when I sob.
But I am also furious because it means that I will never stop owing Finnick Odair. Ever. So how can I kill him in his sleep?

