If the Sun Never Sets (If Love, #2)

by Ana Huang

“I can’t wait. It’s about time your vagina got some love.” Farrah’s drink went down the wrong pipe, and she coughed for a full minute before gasping, “Leave my vagina alone.” “Honey, everyone has left your vagina alone for the past year. Your fault, by the way.”

Landon could pass for a male model. Farrah recognized this, but she didn’t feel one flicker of attraction. Maybe she needed to take her libido to the repair shop.

Her relationship with Blake had proved fairy-tale love existed in real life, but it also proved that every fairy tale had a dark side, that happily-ever-afters sometimes came with less-than-happy epilogues, and that the One Big Love could crush your heart as easily as they stole it.

The way people treated service workers said a lot about them as a human being, and she’d seen all she needed to see tonight.

No, he hadn’t dumped her. He’d reached into her chest and dug out her heart, layer by layer, piece by piece, discarding and stomping all over them until Farrah had been sure she would die. She’d been raw, exposed, and bleeding, and he hadn’t even cared.

“I’ve only been in love with one person my entire life. She’s the one I dream of every damn night, and she’s the one who can break me with one tiny glance. I would jump off a fucking tower for that girl, and you know what? Her name sure as hell isn’t Cleo.”

Because the opposite of love wasn’t hate; it was indifference.

Whatever the female version of blue balls was, she had it. Bad.

The truth was, everyone was broken. People weren’t shells, hard and glossy like the statues you found in museums. They were messy mosaics, compromised of glittering pieces of love and jagged shards of heartbreak. The lucky ones found someone whose broken edges fit perfectly with theirs, like pieces in a jigsaw puzzle.

“I want you. All of you. Heart, body, mind, and soul. I want what we had.” His voice thickened. “I messed things up between us in Shanghai, and I’m so fucking sorry. I was young and stupid, and if I could do it all over, I would. But I can’t. All I can do is stand in front of you and ask for another chance. I know I broke your heart, but if you let me, I’ll spend the rest of my life putting it back together.”

“Don’t you know?” Blake’s voice cracked with regret. “It broke my heart too. Because everything I said that night was a lie. I didn’t stop loving you. I never stopped loving you.”

“Grudges are the worst thing to hold on to. No matter how bad someone hurt you, you can’t heal until you forgive. Sometimes that means moving on. Other times that means giving things another shot.”

Your first love is like a tidal wave. Your head can break above the water, and you might even make it to shore, but the slightest nudge and you’re in the deep again.

Blake was taking the easy way out instead of allowing Farrah to see the darkness within him. Even though she wanted to see it. Darkness didn’t scare her. A part of her reveled in it because it was only under the cloak of darkness that people dared show their true selves. Everything—the good, bad, and ugly—came out at night. But contrary to popular belief, those ugly parts didn’t detract from a person. No, they made them whole, and there was nothing in this world more beautiful than completeness, nothing more breathtaking than knowing someone loved every last bit of you—including the pieces you hated about yourself.

That was the thing about fakeness—it made everyone around you feel better but ate at you on the inside.

“I was always in love with you. Even when I thought I forgot you. Even when I thought I was over you.” Her voice trembled. “From the day I met you, you chipped away at my heart, piece by piece, until you took the entire thing. And you never gave it back, you bastard.”

“It’s still yours, you know. It will never belong to anyone else. Not in this life, and not in the next thousand lives. You have my heart until the earth stops spinning and the stars turn to dust. You can love it or hate it or forget all about it. But it will always be yours.”

The most painful part of loving someone was knowing you couldn’t live without them but not being able to live with them, either.