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November 13, 2018 - January 17, 2019
If you’re well groomed and wearing the right clothing for your situation, then that’s a good start. Countless numbers of people have lost sales opportunities, ruined job interviews, or been turned down for dates because their appearance didn’t match someone else’s expectations.
If your face is going to “talk” for you anyway, you might as well have it communicate something positive.
No matter who you are or with whom you are trying to communicate, you can improve your ability by smiling at people and being expressive.
When I’m in the office, I don’t sit behind a desk when talking to someone. We sit in comfortable chairs facing one another with nothing between us. Or if we need to work, we sit side by side at a table.
A handshake, a pat on the back, or a hug can do a lot to promote connection.
Do whatever you can to remove obstacles and close the gap between yourself and the person with whom you want to connect.
And whenever it’s appropriate, use touch to communicate that you care.
As jazz musician Charlie Parker once observed, “If you don’t live it, it won’t come out of your horn.”
There’s no substitute for personal experience when we want to connect with people’s hearts. If you know something without having lived it, your audience experiences a credibility gap.
If you want to win over another person, first win his heart, and the rest of him is likely to follow.
People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.
“The exact words that you use are far less important than the energy, intensity, and conviction with which you use them.”
“People will not always remember what you said. They will not always remember what you did. But, they will always remember how you made them feel.”6
I have come to realize that Dan is right. People with “presence” have an unselfish attitude that causes them to put others first. They possess a positive attitude that prompts them to look for and focus on what’s right instead of what’s wrong. And they possess an unshakable confidence.
My favorite story about confidence comes from an interview Larry King did with Ty Cobb, one of the greatest baseball players of all time. Cobb, who was then seventy, was asked, “What do you think you’d hit if you were playing these days?” Cobb, who was a lifetime .367 hitter (still the record), said, “About .290, maybe .300.” “That’s because of the travel, the night games, the artificial turf, and all the new pitches like the slider, right?” Larry asked. “No,” responded Cobb. “It’s because I’m seventy.” Confidence like that—when invested in others—helps people to feel connected to the person
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You just need to be positive, believe in yourself, and focus on others.
That is your goal anytime you want to connect with people. Help them to feel what you feel.
What we say and how we say things make quite an impact. People respond to the language we use. The words we choose to speak to our spouse or children can either build them up or tear them down. They can make or break a deal. They can turn a boring talk into a memorable moment.
“One of the handicaps for those of us in the 9-1-1 profession is that we can only communicate with our callers in the verbal realm.” However, not being able to see the people who call doesn’t stop them from gathering information and communicating effectively. “We can hear the pace of speech, background noise, tone, etc., but we learn through experience how to hear more than just the words being spoken by the callers and make a connection with the caller in spite of not having all of the nonverbal clues at our disposal.”
Tone, inflection, timing, volume, pacing—everything you do with your voice communicates something and has the potential to help you connect to or disconnect from others when you speak.
Your message must be your own. So must your style. Work to discover that style and to develop your skills as a connector in every kind of situation. And as you learn these skills, just remember how much of what you communicate is visual and goes beyond words. And remember the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, who said, “What you are speaks so loudly that I can’t hear what you say.”
Connect visually by giving the other person your complete attention. The eyes are the windows of the soul; see the other person’s heart and show your heart. • Connect intellectually by asking questions, listening carefully, and also paying attention to what isn’t being said. • Connect emotionally through touch (being careful to honor boundaries and remain appropriate with members of the opposite sex).
If you want to connect with others, you must be intentional about it. And that always requires energy.
I’ve learned that if you want people to be impressed, you can talk about your successes; but if you want people to identify with you, it’s better to talk about your failures.
“Four Unpardonable Sins of a Communicator”: being unprepared, uncommitted, uninteresting, or uncomfortable.
You must simply be willing to use whatever energy you have to focus on others and reach out to them. It’s really a matter of choice.
Initiative is to any relationship what a lighted match is to a candle.
“The wise does at once what the fool does at last.”
However, I think he is exactly right about all speakers being either givers or takers, and it is definitely a function of attitude. Their mind-set is either selfless or selfish.
People who want to connect with others must give their all. And that takes energy!
Connection always begins with a commitment to someone else.
If you bring intentional energy to the conversation, you make it much easier for people to connect with you.
Think about ways you can increase your energy when speaking to an audience. For example, confidence, which comes from preparation, brings energy. Passion, which comes from conviction, brings energy. Positivity, which comes from believing in people, brings energy. The more energy you bring to the process, and the better you are at conveying energy to your audience, the better your chances of connecting with them.
Connecting is something anyone can learn to do, but one must study communication to improve at it.
connecting is a skill that can be learned!
“The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.”
You must learn to connect with others by making the most of whatever skills and experience you have.
Most people want to improve their situation in life. When they find someone who can communicate something of value, they will usually listen.
If you have an area of expertise and generously share it with others, you give people reasons to respect you and develop a sense of connection with you.
Excellence connects. If you possess a high level of ability in an area, others may desire to connect with you because of it.
If you have made sacrifices, suffered tragedy, or overcome painful obstacles, many people will relate to you. And if you have been able to remain positive yet humble in the midst of life’s difficulties, others will admire you and be able to connect with you.
I have yet to observe a great communicator who didn’t possess confidence.
The reality is that it’s difficult to connect with and enjoy speakers who are uncertain.
Their doubts about themselves make you doubt them, and that becomes a distraction.
great communicators possess great confidence.
To connect with people, be yourself, at your best. That’s something anyone can learn to do.
If you did nothing else but intentionally include others in your best experiences and favorite things, you would become a much better connector overnight.
He connects because he knows exactly what everyone is thinking, and he knows how to say just the right thing in the right tone of voice to set the audience at ease, to make people laugh, or to touch everyone’s heart.
Like most great communicators, John conveys an incredible amount of meaning through inflection, facial expressions, timing, and body language.
I don’t know what your goals are or what your potential is as a communicator. I don’t know what dreams you possess. But I can tell you this. You are more likely to achieve them if you become an effective communicator, and that comes from being a great connector.
