Action Step The next time you start sliding into an argument (especially if it’s one of those chronic, simmering arguments that crops up constantly), stop and say to the other person, “Right now I feel like you’re attacking me, and I’m guessing you feel like I’m attacking you. But in reality I think we’re both defending ourselves. So I want you to know that I don’t want to hurt you—and I know you don’t want to hurt me. If we can start fresh with that agreement in place, I bet we can solve this problem together.” When you do this, you’ll replace your mutual dissonance (“this person is being a
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