Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone

by Mark Goulston

1. Practice physical awareness. Identify sensations like tension, a pounding heart, a craving, or lightheadedness. Pinpoint them and give them a name. This will help you control them. 2. Practice emotional awareness. Attach an emotion to the sensations you’re feeling. For instance, say to yourself, “I’m very angry” or “I’m desperate.” Naming your feeling will help prevent the amygdala hijack I talk about in Chapter 2. 3. Practice impulse awareness. Say to yourself, “This feeling makes me want to ____________.” Being aware of your impulse will help you resist it. 4. Practice consequence awareness. Answer this question: “If I follow through with this urge, what is likely to happen?” 5. Practice solution awareness. Complete this sentence: “A better thing to do would be. . . .” 6. Practice benefit awareness. Say to yourself, “If I do that better thing the benefits will be. . . .” By the time you get through these six steps, you’ll know what you need to do to stay on course and avoid a potentially disastrous meltdown—and you’ll be calm enough to listen to your own advice.