dismissive condolences, offered by well-intentioned but sorely misguided friends, acquaintances, family members, and coworkers: “Well, you lived in different states, so you probably weren't very close.” Or “Thank goodness it wasn't your husband or one of your children.” And “Your brother/sister died? How awful! How are your parents? ” Intellectually, we may understand that people mean well; they're attempting to be helpful and to offer comfort to us in our sorrow. Yet dismissive condolences have the opposite effect. They make our loss seem trivial, and they also make the surviving sibling feel
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