American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

by Craig Ferguson

My son and I are Americans, we prepare for glory by failing until we don’t.

I didn’t say no because between safety and adventure I choose adventure.

Appear tougher or cooler or funnier than you feel and there is a chance you’ll make it.

From this moment on I would dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?

But I did. I wanted to move to New York and smoke marijuana and live in an apartment and play the guitar and make out with girls and mush their boobies together.

I have an addictive personality, I’ll try anything a hundred times just to make sure I don’t like it.

“Between safety and adventure, I choose adventure.”

Americans taught me failure was only something you went through on the way to success, not just in the sense of career or wealth but as a person. I learned that failure is only failure, and that it can be useful, spun into a story that will make people laugh, and maybe every once in a while give a message of hope to others who might need some.