Wishful Drinking

by Carrie Fisher

Later on, I worked out that my mother’s appearance in the classic film Singin’ in the Rain was not unlike my own appearance in Star Wars. When she made that film, she was nineteen and costarred with two men. I was also nineteen when I made Star Wars and appeared opposite two men. How this is relevant, I have no idea. Maybe I was just grasping around for a sense of continuity.

If my life wasn’t funny it would just be true, and that is unacceptable.

She even washed her hair on her wedding day. Now later I heard my mother mumble that she wished she washed it with Nair. But she’s not a bitter woman.

Now if you enjoyed my performance as Princess Leia—and who could resist my stunning, layered, and moving portrait not-unlike-Mary Poppins performance—then it’s thanks to tongue twisters like that. Consider: “You’ll never get that bucket of bolts past that blockade.” Proper coffee pot? Or: “Why, you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder!”—proper copper coffee pot, I’ll have a cup of tea!

Forty-three years ago, George Lucas ruined my life. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.

But ultimately, I really don’t mind. Even though, among George’s many possessions, he owns my likeness, so that every time I look in the mirror I have to send him a couple of bucks! That’s partly why he’s so rich! Because I’m vain. So, I look in the mirror a lot, and it adds up.

Now I think that this would make for a fantastic obit—so I tell my younger friends that no matter how I go, I want it reported that I drowned in moonlight, strangled by my own bra.

Oh, and around that time I got a call from my business office that Bob Dylan wanted my phone number. And I said, “Fuck you. You get that stalker away from me. I don’t want anymore sixties icons fucking up my life!”

I heard someone say once that many of us only seem able to find heaven by backing away from hell.

“Resentment is like drinking a poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

I can’t forget that stupid, fucking hologram speech! That’s why I did dope!