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Due to unforeseen events and the shocking heat in the aforementioned events, we are excited to inform you that the weenie wagon has now been upgraded. Welcome aboard the Double Decker Dick Bus! New and improved with built in storage beneath each seat. You will find towels, blindfolds, a complimentary snail peen keychain keepsake, and a handheld fan. The upper deck serves as an open bar, complete with neon lights, body paint, and blow ups of your favorite Emerald Lakes characters. Selfies are encouraged. Once again, we must ask to please keep your body parts inside the vehicle at all times. I’m
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Right. Because the pronouns right now were seven shades of fucked up. All I knew was that where there had been one very dead Fischer before, there were now two barely alive Fischers.
‘The chosen one has found her mates, in a web woven by the fates. One was lost to be replaced by two, now a sixth is bound to you. What once was five will need one more to guide you through your destined door. Each will rise to find new power, as darkness looms and goodness cowers. Hold fast to earth which brings new life, awaken the Dragon chained by strife. Nature's fury will rain down aide, one who is many will release his rage. Two sides of one coin you'll be entwined, one in blood, one in mind. In royal red your strength renewed, hurry witch or all are doomed.’
“Princess, you scared the fuck out of me. My asshole has been quivering for days—in fear. Not arousal. Fuck. I’d almost forgotten what it felt like not having my man-gina clenched up tighter than a bull’s asshole in the height of fly season.”
My heart was beating wildly, my palms sweaty, and suddenly all I could think about was Mom’s spaghetti. Gods dammit, Saige. Focus! Now is not the time for Eminem references.
How did I get so lucky? This man completely fucking adores me. Every single thing he’s done since we met has been in my best interest.
“Princess,” he breathed. “I assure you, I’m the one who is lucky. The stars showed me favor when they fated us to be together. You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on. You have the biggest heart, the most caring soul, and the most deliciously curvy ass,”
“Thank you, Bram. For taking care of me. For protecting me...” “You’re mine, Goldie girl. I’d slay a thousand dragons with demon riders before allowing one burning ember to touch your porcelain skin. Anything you desire will be yours.
I’d yank the fucking moon from the sky and personally deliver it to your hands if you wanted it.”
"I was obsessed with you the moment I laid eyes on you. I was enraptured when you told me of your warrior ways. Falling in love with you was inevitable, Goldie."
“Tomorrow I’m going to mate you, Goldie. Tonight, I’m going to let you rest and get some energy back because tomorrow, you’re mine. I’m going to make every one of your holes my motherfucking home. Our bodies are going to become one being, our souls will become one entity. The way it should be. Now, let me kiss you some more before I go tuck you into bed between your Fischers.” He’s gonna make my holes his home? My inner witch was jumping up and down holding up a vacancies sign. Because, you know, multiple openings.
“What are you thinking about, Goldie?” Bram smirked, knowing that I was every bit as nuts as he was. “Nothing. Shut up and kiss me stupid, you giant ginger demon.” He did. Oh my gods, he fucking did.
Damn, the guy was a great liar. If we hadn't already figured out something was off, I would've believed him with zero hesitation.
Today is the day. I'm going to lose my secondary virginity to the woman I love.
"You made me a blanket fort. This is the best day ever," she squealed. "This is not a blanket fort. This is a fuck nest. The nest in which I'm going to ravish you for hours on end," I grumbled, crossing my arms.
"I'm dying to taste you. The way you have your pretty pussy all wrapped up for me right now... It's like a present. One I can't wait to open up and lick."
He was possessed. A beast. An absolute monster in the way he fucked me. One thing he wasn't though, was a liar. He completely rocked my fucking world.
"Master has given Faris a sock. Faris is a free mage!" he said, in a surprisingly spot-on impression.
"I've literally only had my virgin eyeballs open for half an hour and you guys are already up my ass. I don't even know what the fuck is going on. But I'm here, in my own body, for the first time ever. I want some fucking snacks, I want to smoke some weed, drink some drinks, fuck some fucks.
Speaking of"—Faris' voice dropped at least three octaves—"you smell like a snack, a high, a drink, and a fuck all in one." Then my deranged brother proceeded to stick his tongue out and lick Bram's lip which was conveniently less than an inch from his face.
“A blood mage? Really? There haven’t been any new ones for years. We’d thought they were fading out…” Khol commented, studying Faris closely. “Well, clearly, there was a new one thirty years ago and he’s been held prisoner inside the mind of a madman! I have never eaten before in my life and I’m telling you right now, someone better produce me some snacks or we’re gonna have problems,” Faris growled and Bram responded in kind.
“There’s so much big peen energy in this teeny, tiny hallway right now it’s practically choking me!”
I live to argue with men. Why, moon maidens, must you curse me so?
“I’d never harm you, unless you asked me to, Firefly. Though, I may wreck your pussy.”
“I owe you a debt. For the rest of my life, I will be faithful to you, loyal, and protective. I will cut down any man, woman, or beast that wrongs you or attempts to steal you away. You have my word. I’ll be your viper.”
Fuck, he was an erotic nightmare come true.
Baggie’s gonna fuck some people up. I’m so here for it.
‘Finally, a steed worthy of a warrior! Guard your baguettes, messieurs!’ Napoleon screamed and I laughed.
"Don't be nervous. We've already done butt stuff. What is there to be anxious about after that?" He lifted a dark brow and I laughed. "In all fairness, I thought I was doing butt stuff with him." I pointed to Fischer and sat down beside Faris. "Mmm, well, now you can do butt stuff with both of us. Separately. Or together, if you wish."
I'd never been anyone's first and now I had a mage who was not only an unhinged, zero fucks giving psychopath, but also a virgin!
I guess I can be fucking five guys on the regular and still learn new tricks.
"Be prepared because I missed your pretty pussy and I want you grinding all over my mouth."
"I fucking missed you, you ass. Don't ever leave me again," she breathed, our noses touching. "Never," I swore.
My stomach flipped at that news and her lips brushed mine softly, a reminder of what it felt like to kiss her. And a fucking promise of what I could have if I didn't fuck everything up.
Here lies Saige Wildes, dead by killer orgasm at the hands and mouths of her delicious men.
If I could find a way to live inside of her damn body, I would.
