Scattered: How Attention Deficit Disorder Originates and What You Can Do About It

by Gabor Maté

Artificial consequences devised by parents intensify resistance and reinforce the child’s already negative view of herself. This is especially true for the underproductive and underachieving ADD child. “Although punishment is ineffective in making [the child] try harder,” writes Natalie Rathvon, “it is highly effective in solidifying her view of herself as unlovable and her view of others as unhelpful. If treatment by punishment continues, it is likely to motivate her to act out her image of herself as bad and dumb by misbehaving in school or at home or by performing even more poorly academically.”5 Will is like psychological muscle, says Gordon Neufeld. Parents cannot do anything directly to develop the child’s will, any more than they can make the child’s muscles grow. What they can do is to provide the nurturing, the right conditions and the proper direction. Like muscles, will needs exercise to grow. “Parents can provide lots of exercise,” Dr. Neufeld says. “Exercise is basically making choices—that is how we exercise our will.” Parents may worry that if they support the child’s autonomy, she may grow up to be selfish, unmindful of others. It is a common fear, but unfounded. It is based on the completely erroneous view that children are wild creatures needing to be tamed by any means necessary. The process of becoming connected with other people and learning appropriate human interactions, of developing into a social creature, is called socialization. Children don’t ha...