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People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.
You know what you never hear about? A bunch of Jews being hit by a tornado.
So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.
If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it’s hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.
When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
Remembering exactly where you were when some famous person died is a meaningless exercise. It’s an attempt by ordinary people to connect their dull lives to important events.
Why do they bother saying “raw sewage”? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
Most people don’t know what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
Remember, the central nervous system runs on electricity, and dying takes place in stages. So, not all of your electrical energy is fully discharged at the time you are pronounced dead; some of it remains stored. Morgue and funeral workers report that corpses often spasm and twitch as much as two days after death.
In the United States, anybody can be president. That’s the problem.
And I have to tell you, folks, I don’t really believe very much in my country either. I don’t get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
