Boundaries in Marriage

by Henry Cloud

Few passages in the Bible have been subject to more misunderstanding and misuse than this teaching on submission: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior…. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy” (Ephesians 5:22-23, 25). Husbands have used the apostle Paul’s teaching to justify control and abuse of their wives. In fact, we have rarely seen a client in marriage therapy bring up submission unless a big part of the problem is a controlling husband. Usually a husband wants to control and not serve his wife, and he is in denial of his own controlling behavior. When his wife has finally had enough and stands up to him, he plays the submission card as a way of getting back in control and avoiding whatever problem she is confronting. This is not what this passage has in mind.