How can you determine if someone is attempting control? Here are several indicators: Not respecting the other’s no. The husband will make several attempts to change the decision of his spouse and disregard her feelings. Punishing a “wrong” choice. When the husband chooses to do something the wife doesn’t like, the wife will act put out or like a victim, or she will accuse her husband of not being loving or caring. Not valuing freedom. The husband will be more interested in his wife’s making the “right” decision, than in her free, heartfelt choice. Bad results. The wife who is being controlled
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How can you determine if someone is attempting control? Here are several indicators:
Not respecting the other’s no. The husband will make several attempts to change the decision of his spouse and disregard her feelings.
—again, because the book is written for a general audience, you need to take the general principle, but persuasion and convincing someone are not the same thing as manipulation or “disrespecting someone’s no.” At some point in time, if the other person won’t listen, it’s best to stop beating your head against the wall (assuming of course that there is no extreme wrongdoing you’re trying to address). But the point stands.
Punishing a “wrong” choice. When the husband chooses to do something the wife doesn’t like, the wife will act put out or like a victim, or she will accuse her husband of not being loving or caring.
—it isn’t our job to punish each other, and passive-aggression and manipulation absolutely play a role here, but the authors fail to differentiate this from “creating consequences,” which they have said is necessary… which inherently shows disregard for the other person’s “no” in the sense that they are unwilling to do the right thing.
Not valuing freedom. The husband will be more interested in his wife’s making the “right” decision, than in her free, heartfelt choice.
—sometimes we choose the wrong thing and require loving correction. The authors would do well to explore “as iron sharpens iron,” if they are going to dispense advice from a generally biblical perspective.” (Scripture also has things to say about those who reject reproach.)
Bad results. The wife who is being controlled will be resentful, act out, or retaliate.
—it’s been established that being a sledgehammer doesn’t solve anything.
