Boundaries in Marriage

by Henry Cloud

1. Avoid Moralizing Your Preference I was working with a couple who differed in how they liked to spend “free time.” Joe liked to spend downtime leisurely hanging around the house. He would play games with the kids or watch sports on TV. On Saturday afternoons he would sometimes take a nap. Susan was more of a doer. She liked to do projects around the house when she had free time. But after organizing the house and “working on projects” while Joe was napping, she would begin to grow annoyed that he wasn’t helping. Soon an argument would ensue. She would feel that he was being “lazy,” and he would feel that she was being “compulsive.” They would “go to court.” Susan would moralize her position, thinking that work was good and TV was bad. He “should” be helping. He would feel as strongly about his choice, saying that he had worked hard all week and deserved a rest.