Nothing kills love in a marriage more than judgmentalism. When you live with a judge, you are always on trial. This creates an atmosphere of fear as the judged spouse walks on eggshells to avoid the wrath to come. Love cannot grow in a climate of fear: “There is no fear in love…. fear has to do with punishment” (1 John 4:18). A spouse’s love can grow if she knows the consequences for her actions. This is the loving discipline of growth. But the fear of punishment is very different. Her very soul and character are tried and condemned, and then cast out of relationship.
