Most of the time, in otherwise good marriages, deception takes place for “defensive” reasons. In other words, the dishonest spouse is often lying not for evil reasons, but to protect himself. Fears drive the deception. This does not excuse the lying, but it does complicate matters. For spouses to tell the whole truth, they must deal with their fears first. Here are some common fears: Fear of real closeness and being known Fears of abandonment and loss of love if they are known Fears of being controlled and possessed if they are known Fears of being seen as “bad” or not good enough if some part
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