Boundaries in Marriage

by Henry Cloud

But freedom is the scariest of all human privileges. Adam and Eve used their freedom destructively to sin against God. In the same way, we can use freedom against each other. As Paul warns, “You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself” (Galatians 5:13-14). The call to relationship with God and each other is a call to freedom. But that freedom is not to be used to gratify self-centeredness. Some spouses use their freedom to indulge their own desires at the expense of the marriage. Any trip to the grill room at a local golf course can testify to how many golfing widows there are, as their husbands spend most of their waking hours “with the guys.” Wives of hunters and fishermen know this scenario as well as do husbands of over-committed wives. This misuse of freedom is selfish and does not serve anyone’s growth and development, much less the growth of the marriage. Anyone can get selfish and fall back into the inborn egocentricity we talked about earlier. So the Bible’s warning offers the best solution for that danger: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” In other words, in your exercise of separateness, make sure that you are seeing how your freedom and separateness are affecting your spouse. Would you want to be treated with disregard? Certainly not. Practice the Golden Rule.