Boundaries in Marriage

by Henry Cloud

Fear of being a bad person Fear of one’s guilty feelings Fear of not reciprocating the love someone has given (thus hurting his or her feelings) Fear of losing the approval of others Fear of hurting one’s spouse because of overidentifying with his or her pain Fear always works against love. The “have to” destroys the “choose to.” Conversely, love drives out fear (1 John 4:18). When we are freely choosing to love, we are no longer driven by the above fears. We are driven by affection. If you struggle with any of these fears, work on maturing through them, so that they do not control you and rob you of your boundaries. For example, if you fear losing love, find safe people who will stick with you, and take risks with them, such as being honest. As they stay in relationship with you, you will begin to have less fear of losing love.