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“I’m just someone who knows the difference between what hurts and what doesn’t.”
The self-questioning she discovered uses a different, less-known capacity of the mind to find a way out of its self-made trap.
The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is. When the mind is perfectly clear, what is is what we want.
Much of our stress comes from mentally living out of our own business.
Being mentally in your business keeps me from being present in my own. I am separate from myself, wondering why my life doesn’t work.
To think that I know what’s best for anyone else is to be out of my business.
The next time you’re feeling stress or discomfort, ask yourself whose business you’re in mentally,
A thought is harmless unless we believe it.
It’s not our thoughts, but the attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.
it’s helpful to remember that any stressful feeling is like a compassionate alarm clock that says, “You’re caught in the dream.”
“Sweetheart, take a look at what you’re thinking right now. You’re living in a story that isn’t true for you.”
the feeling is an alarm clock that lets you know there’s a thought that you may want to do The Work on.
And investigating an untrue thought will always lead you back to who you really are.
Before the thought, you weren’t suffering; with the thought, you’re suffering; when you recognize that the thought isn’t true, again there is no suffering. That is how The Work functions.
The Work invites us into the awareness of internal cause and effect. Once we recognize this, all our suffering begins to unravel on its own.
Inquiry is a way to end confusion and to experience internal peace, even in a world of apparent chaos. Above all else, inquiry is about realizing that all the answers we ever need are always available inside us.
The first step in The Work is to identify the thoughts that are causing your stress and to write them down.
Write your judgments down, just the way you think them. Use short, simple sentences. (Use a blank sheet of paper; or you can go to thework.com, to the section called “The Work,” where you’ll find a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet to download and print.)
Through The Work we finally have permission to let those judgments speak out, or even scream out, on paper. We may find that even the most unpleasant thoughts can be met with unconditional love.
I encourage you to write about someone whom you haven’t yet totally forgiven. This is the most powerful place to begin. Even if you’ve forgiven that person 99 percent, you aren’t free until your forgiveness is complete. The 1 percent you haven’t forgiven them is the very place where you’re stuck in all your other relationships (including your relationship with yourself).
When you do The Work, you see who you are by seeing who you think other people are. Eventually you come to see that everything outside you is a reflection of your own thinking. You are the storyteller, the projector of all stories, and the world is the projected image of your thoughts.
When you realize that every stressful moment you experience is a gift that points you to your own freedom, life becomes very kind.
Write down your thoughts without trying to censor them. Sit with your pen and paper and just wait. The words will come. The story will come. And if you really want to know the truth, if you’re not afraid to see your story on paper, the ego will write like a maniac.
I invite you to contemplate for a moment a situation where you were angry, hurt, sad, or disappointed with someone.
This is a time to be totally honest and uncensored about why you were hurt and how you felt in that situation. Allow your feelings to express themselves as they arise, without any fear of consequences or any threat of punishment.
Write down the thoughts and stories that are running through you, the ones that really cause you pain—the anger, the resentment, the sadness. Point the finger of blame first at people who have hurt you, the ones who have been closest to you, people you’re jealous of, people you can’t stand, people who have disappointed you.
You can’t stop the story inside your head, however hard you try. It’s not possible. But when you put the story on paper and write it just the way the mind is telling it, with all your suffering and frustration and rage and sadness, then you can take a look at what is swirling around inside you. You can see it brought into the material world, in physical form. And finally, through The Work, you can begin to understand it.
That is how The Work functions. Once the mind is met with understanding, it can always find its way back home. There is no place where you can remain lost or confused.
The purpose of the Worksheet is to help you put your painful stories and judgments into writing; it’s designed to draw out judgments that otherwise might be difficult to uncover.
The judgments you write on the Worksheet will become the material that you’ll use to do The Work. You’ll put each written statement—one by one—up against the four questions and let each of them lead you to the truth.
1. In this situation, who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you, and why?
2. In this situation, how do you want them to change? What do you want them to do?
3. In this situation, what advice would you offer them?
4. In order for you to be happy in this situation, what do you need them to think, say, feel, or do?
5. What do you think of them in this situation? Make a list. (Remember, be petty and judgmental.)
6. What is it about this situation that you don’t ever want to experience again?
Inquiry: The Four Questions and the Turnarounds 1. Is it true? (Yes or no. If your answer is no, move to question 3.) 2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.) 3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? 4. Who would you be without the thought? and Turn the thought around. Then find at
Turn it around.
always find at least three specific, genuine examples of how the turnaround is true for you in this situation.
The turnarounds are your prescription for
health, peace, and happiness.
Your Turn: The Worksheet
First relax, get very still, close your eyes, and wait for a stressful situation to come to mind.
Fill in the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet as you identify the thoughts and feelings that you were experiencing in the situation you have chosen to write about. Use short, simple sentences. Remember to point the finger of blame or judgment outward.
Please do not write about yo...
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1. In this situation, who angers, confuses, saddens, or disap...
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2. In this situation, how do you want them to change?
3. In this situation, what advice would you offer them?
4. In order for you to be happy in this situation, what do you need them to think, say, feel, or do?
5. What do you think of them in this situation? Make a list.
