More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
Nature’s greatest accomplishment, the human brain, is never more efficient or invested than when its host is at risk.
there is no mystery of human behavior that cannot be solved inside your head or your heart.
When we accept that violence is committed by people who look and act like people, we silence the voice of denial, the voice that whispers, “This guy doesn’t look like a killer.”
Ressler’s research confirmed an astonishingly consistent statistic about serial killers: 100 percent had been abused as children, either with violence, neglect, or humiliation.
It saddens me to know that as I write these words and as you read them, some child is being taught that violence has a place, learning that when it comes to cruelty, it is better to give than to receive.
Reminds me of na’im
We must learn and then teach our children that niceness does not equal goodness. Niceness is a decision, a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait. People seeking to control others almost always present the image of a nice person in the beginning.
do. Just as rapport-building has a good reputation, explicitness applied by women in this culture has a terrible reputation.
Promises are used to convince us of an intention, but they are not guarantees. A guarantee is a promise that offers some compensation if the speaker fails to deliver; he commits to make it all right again if things don’t go as he says they would.
“No” is a word that must never be negotiated, because the person who chooses not to hear it is trying to control you.
Trust that what causes alarm probably should, because when it comes to danger, intuition is always right in at least two important ways: 1. It is always in response to something. 2. It always has your best interest at heart.
In practice, this turns out to be less an exercise in creativity than an exercise in discovery; what you may think you are making up, you are calling up. Many believe the process of creativity is one of assembling thoughts and concepts, but highly creative people will tell you that the idea, the song, the image, was in them, and their task was to get it out, a process of discovery, not design.
This was said most artfully by Michelangelo when asked how he created his famous statue of David. He said “it is easy—you just chip away the stone that doesn’t look like David.”
This same process of comparing reliability, importance, cost, and effectiveness (which my office calls the RICE evaluation) is how people go about making many daily decisions.
Sales framework?
We perceive less need for them because we are at a point in our evolution where life is less about predicting risks and more about controlling them.
If you can convince an extortionist that the harm he threatens does not worry you, you have at a minimum improved your negotiating position. In many cases, you may actually neutralize the whole matter.
That’s because threats spoken to people other than the victim are not as likely to be motivated by a desire to scare the victim.
the minute you get into it with someone, you are into it, and if you get angry, that all by itself is a kind of victory for him.
Checking references and checking with former employers is an absolutely critical duty of every employer.
“Describe the best boss you ever had,” and “Describe the worst boss you ever had.”
“Tell me about a failure in your life and tell me why it occurred.”
“What are some of the things your last employer could have done to be more successful?
“Did you ever tell your previous employer any of your thoughts on ways they could improve?”
“What are some of the things your last employer could have done to keep you?”
“Describe a problem you had in your life where someone else’s help was very important to you.”
“Who is your best friend and how would you describe your friendship?”
the Buddhist definition of human suffering applies perfectly: “clinging to that which changes.”
Some more complete answers are found in Robert Ressler’s classic book Whoever Fights Monsters.
Her emotionally evocative books (including The Drama Of The Gifted Child and The Untouched Key)
Unless and until something changes their view, unless they grasp the striking fact that they are tied with a thread, that the chain is an illusion, that they were fooled, and ultimately, that whoever so fooled them was wrong about them and that they were wrong about themselves—unless all this happens, these children are not likely to show society their positive attributes as adults.
Man that hits home
She agrees that her intuition is indeed communicating something to her, and it isn’t imminent danger; it is that she does not want to stay in Los Angeles or in her job. Her nightly walk from her car into her apartment is simply the venue for her inner voice to speak most loudly.
Though television news would have us think differently, the important question is not how we might die, but rather “How shall we live?” and that is up to us.
