The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence
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Justice is swell, but safety is survival.
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Many experts lose the creativity and imagination of the less informed.
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No animal in the wild suddenly overcome with fear would spend any of its mental energy thinking, “It’s probably nothing.”
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A woman could offer no greater cooperation to her soon-to-be attacker than to spend her time telling herself, “But he seems like such a nice man.”
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“You are what you know.”
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We must learn and then teach our children that niceness does not equal goodness. Niceness is a decision, a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait. People seeking to control others almost always present the image of a nice person in the beginning. Like rapport-building, charm and the deceptive smile, unsolicited niceness often has a discoverable motive.
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A woman who is clear and precise is viewed as cold, or a bitch, or both.
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When people are telling the truth, they don’t feel doubted, so they don’t feel the need for additional support in the form of details. When people lie, however, even if what they say sounds credible to you, it doesn’t sound credible to them, so they keep talking.
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“No” is a word that must never be negotiated, because the person who chooses not to hear it is trying to control you.
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At core, men are afraid women will laugh at them, while at core, women are afraid men will kill them.
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If you tell someone ten times that you don’t want to talk to him, you are talking to them—nine more times than you wanted to.
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Every human behavior can be explained by what precedes it, but that does not excuse it, and we must hold abusive men accountable.
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the Buddhist definition of human suffering applies perfectly: “clinging to that which changes.”
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The fact that a romantic pursuer is relentless doesn’t mean you are special—it means he is troubled.
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If you tell someone ten times that you don’t want to talk to him, you are talking to him—nine more times than you wanted to.
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Rule #1. The very fact that you fear something is solid evidence that it is not happening.
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Remember, fear says something might happen. If it does happen, we stop fearing it and start to respond to it, manage it, surrender to it;
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This means that very often the mere fact that you are worrying about something is a predictor that it isn’t likely to happen!