The Other End of the Leash: Why We Do What We Do Around Dogs

by Patricia B. McConnell

Wolves and dogs share so much of their DNA that they are almost impossible to distinguish genetically.

dogs are more aware of our subtle movements than we are of our own.

I’ve worked with hundreds of cases like Mitsy’s, and I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter what I say, and it doesn’t matter what the person I’m talking to says: the action of moving directly at a dog and extending a hand in greeting is so hardwired that you often have to physically stop people from doing it. The only solution is to use two people: one with the dog and the other beside the stranger, ready to move between the stranger and the dog if the stranger can’t resist a typical primate greeting.

The next time you see a dog you’d like to greet, stop a few feet away, stand sideways rather than straight on, and avoid looking directly into her eyes. Wait for the dog to come all the way to you. If she doesn’t, she doesn’t want to be petted. So don’t pet her.

Always pet unfamiliar dogs on the chest or under their chin. Don’t reach over their heads to pet them.

Sometimes I think that the primary purpose of dogs is to keep humans humble. Any dog trainer will tell you that they seem to be doing a great job of it.

he’s a dog, and like all dogs, he tends to go in the direction that I’m facing, not where I’m pointing. (Ever seen a dog lift up his leg and point with his paw?)

The best way to get a dog to come to you is to turn away from him and move in the opposite direction (which is actually “toward you” from the standpoint of the dog).

Dogs want to go the way that you’re going, and to a dog that’s the way that your face and feet are pointing.

To your dog you can look just like a traffic cop stopping traffic when you move directly toward him. So if you’re calling “Come” and walking forward, your voice says, “Come over here,” while your body says, “Stay there.” Besides, if you’re moving toward your dog, why shouldn’t your dog stop and politely wait for you to finish your approach?

The best way that I know to visually “call” a dog to come is to bend down as if in a doggie play bow, turn away from your dog, and clap.

But to a dog, a raised paw can signify submission or a request to play or the beginning of a dominance-related mount, but it never seems to mean “go away.” So I’ve stopped pushing dogs away with my paws. Instead, I keep my hands tucked into my belly and push dogs away with my shoulder or hip, using body language that they understand.

dog may be snarling when I meet him in the lobby, but if his body is shifted even the slightest bit backward, I know that he’s on defense rather than ready to attack. No matter how much he’s growling and flashing his teeth, there’s little danger if I don’t put pressure on him.

I’m much more concerned about the quiet, stiff-legged dog who stands still, shifting just a tad forward while he stares directly into my eyes.

Any dog who barks at me with puckered lips gets my full attention. This is not a dog on defense; it’s a dog ready and willing to act on his threat—not fearfully but with confidence.

You can avoid a lot of dogfights by relaxing the muscles in your face, smiling with your eyes, breathing slowly, and turning away from the dogs rather than leaning forward and adding more tension.

what wolf researchers call “look aways” by turning our heads to the side when we greet a new dog or we sense that tension is mounting. You can also cock your head, which is something never done by a tense dog on offensive alert.

If you cock your head, you are signaling to a dog that you’re relaxed, which can go a long way toward relaxing the dog as well.

If your dog pesters you for petting when you need to be doing something else, break off visual contact with him. You can use your torso to push him away with a body block (remember not to use your hands) or turn your head away (chin raised) in a benevolent but royal dismissal. It’s amazing how fast dogs will go away if you break off visual contact with them.

In my experience one of the most universal tendencies of all humans is to repeat ourselves when talking to dogs. We’re so driven to repetition that we do it even after the dog has done what we asked. “Sit, sit, sit,” says Bob, the third “sit” coming after Max has already sat down. Dog trainers leave the training center shaking their heads over trying to get the owners to give a command just once.

What matters is that over and over, you set up situations in which he barks, you say “Enough” as you remove the reason that he’s barking, and then you lure him away with treats.

This isn’t as easy to train as something like “Sit,” because it’s much harder for your dog. Barking is tightly linked to emotions and physiological arousal (just as laughing, screaming, and yelling are in young humans), and it can be truly difficult for a dog to stop himself from barking, so be patient.

Professional animal trainers, who should know as well as anyone how to use sound to communicate to their animals, distinguish themselves from dog owners in one consistent way. They are able to separate their own emotional states from the sounds that they make, making sounds that elicit the response that they want rather than sounds that represent how they are feeling inside.

The general rule is to use short, repeated notes to encourage activity and one single note to discourage it.

If you want to soothe or slow your dog, replicate the “Eeeeeeeeeeasy” of the dressage trainer that I recorded when slowing an anxious horse.

Dogs and humans share an interpretation of high and low sounds (as do many other mammals). A low pitch signifies authority or confidence in both wolves and primates. Simply saying a signal in a lower voice than before can mean the difference between your dog’s ignoring you or obeying.

high sounds are associated with excitement, immaturity, or fear, while lower sounds are associated with authority, threat, or aggression.

Dogs and people aren’t normal mammals. Most mammals play a lot when they’re young and then gradually become more and more sedate.

Some of my clients are hurt when their dog won’t bring the ball back to them. But why should dogs bring the ball back when they can play an even more exciting game called “catch me (and the ball) if you can!”? And, boy, do dogs love this game. Dogs seem to glory in being the one who “wins” an object and keeps it away from the others, especially if others want the ball themselves. They are masters at staying just far enough out of reach so that you can’t catch them but close enough that they keep you engaged in the game. They’re not doing this to torture you, although it might feel like it. They’re just playing a game that they play with other dogs and that they’d like to play with you.

Start with young dogs by throwing the ball only a short distance away. Most people who are just getting their dog started throw the ball too far for the dog to stay focused on it. Don’t throw it very often at first either; just two or three times is enough.

After you throw the ball, wait until the dog has his mouth on it. Once he does, your job is to move away from the ball, clapping and smooching to attract him in your direction. If you walk toward him, you’ve just initiated a chase game, but in the wrong direction. After all, he has the ball, he has your attention, and you’re moving toward him. What’s any good dog to do? He’s going to take off away from you because you’ve initiated the first steps of “tag, I’m it!” by running toward him. But if you can override your own natural tendency to get sucked into his version of keep away, you can outtrain him and pull him into chasing after you.

Enforced solitude as an extreme punishment is an excellent example of how important social interaction is to our species. If it weren’t, taking it away wouldn’t be so powerful.

It’s been hypothesized that the relatively large neocortex (forebrain) of most primates is a result of our need to manage complex social relationships. Without a lot of brainpower, you can’t keep track of dozens of individuals in your social group (and if food is abundant, possibly hundreds of individuals), all of whom have intense, ever-changing relationships with one another.

The bottom line is that our species, like other primates, is a touchy-feely one, and our emphasis on physical contact is very much a part of our genetic heritage.

However, if your dog isn’t too aroused, you can help to calm her with touch, but it’s important to be aware of how you’re touching her. Owners who are anxious often pet their dogs with short, rapid little pats to the head and neck. Do it on yourself and see how soothing it is. (Not very.) Just as it’s important to keep your voice different in tone from your internal emotions when you’re trying to influence your dog, you need to learn to massage your dog with long, slow strokes when you want to soothe her, even if you yourself are nervous. It’s all that I can do in the lobby of the vet’s office to stop myself from leaning over and gently stopping someone’s hand from bouncing off his or her dog’s head. Pat, pat. Pat, pat. The more rapid the patting, the more aroused the dog.

By five months a puppy starts to turn into a gangly adolescent, complete with an attitude and a tendency to ignore his elders.

The three responsible places to get a puppy are from a responsible breeder, a humane society (animal shelter), or a rescue organization.

Watch the tails of two dogs while they are greeting each other, and you’ll get an excellent idea of how each dog sees himself or herself compared to the other. Look to see who raises the base of the tail and whose tail gets lowered (the base of their tails is the relevant part, not the tip). In some pairs the differences are extreme, with one dog’s tail held high like a flag and the other dog’s tail submissively tucked under her belly. In other cases tail posture differences might be more subtle, but overall body postures contain clues, too: one dog might be leaning forward more than the other, perhaps standing straighter and higher, ears forward rather than back—that’s the dog with more social status. If both dogs look like mirror images of each other, with their tails high and their bodies erect and stiff, then you are well advised to distract them and get them thinking about something besides each other.

Unlike chimpanzees, bonobos resolve conflicts with sex.4 The “all-sex, all-the-time” species, bonobos have sexual intercourse with one another as freely as we shake hands (except, like us, they avoid incest). They have heterosexual sex, homosexual sex, frontal sex, oral sex, and sex in exchange for an apple. And that’s before breakfast. Bonobos personify the “Make love, not war” motto, because they resolve social tension and conflicts with sex rather than threats and aggression.

Border Collie handlers (me included) believe that their dogs are checking on the sheep’s response to their movement and looking to see which one is the leader. That’s the one the dog needs to focus on when she starts stalking toward them, because that’s the one with the power to decide when and where to move.

two important principles that all dog owners would do well to understand: First, social status is relevant in our relationship with dogs, but it’s only one of many aspects of our interactions with them. With some dogs, especially the kind that aren’t status-seeking, the attention that dominance has been given is out of proportion to its relevance. Second, for those dogs to whom social status is relevant, the last thing owners should be doing is using harsh, punishment-oriented training techniques. They are rarely necessary and should be considered unacceptable, just as it is no longer considered acceptable to beat wives or children. Keep

Dogs have their own ways of expressing frustration, lashing out with their mouths when they are overwhelmed with irritable emotions. Young

All my dogs know “Enough,” which means to stop whatever they’re doing (like asking for petting or bugging me with the ball) and leave me in peace. It’s easy to teach, and it’s a wonderful way to let your dog know that as much as you love her, it’s still your life. All you need to do is to say “Enough” in a low, quiet voice and then pat her briskly on the head two times. If she doesn’t go away (which most dogs won’t the first several times you do this), stand up and walk your dog away from the couch a few feet, using your body-blocking skills to back her away. Cross your arms and turn your head away to the side as you sit back down. If she comes right back as you sit down, “pat pat” on her head again and body-block her away a second time. When she returns, be sure to do a “look away” so that you’re not making eye contact. (I’m always amused at how often we humans tell our dogs to go away and yet continue to make eye contact with them.

It’s actually very easy to teach dogs to be polite when they greet you or when they want to come cuddle up on the couch. You just have to stop acting like a human and learn to move like a dog. Rather than backing up when a friendly but rude dog lunges toward you, use the body blocks that we talked about in Chapter 2 to protect the personal space around you. Say you’re seated on a chair and Duke is moving across the room at the speed of light. It’s clear that in three strides he’s going to launch himself into your lap. Instead of doing what comes naturally, which is to lean backward to avoid the furry missile (which creates a space for the dog to move into), lean forward with your chest and shoulders and meet him more than halfway. Avert your face, keep your hands tucked into your belly, and use your shoulders and torso to block the dog from entering the circle of space around you.

You may not be able to generate the kind of respect that Julie can, but you can get your dog to pay more attention to you if you radiate quiet confidence rather than using a loud voice all the time.

If your dog is doing something that you don’t want her to do, your job is to do two things. First, stop her from doing what she’s doing by startling her. You don’t have to hurt her or terrorize her, just interrupt her by making a noise that evokes what is called the mammalian startle response. If you slap the wall or the table, drop a paperback book, or toss an empty pop can with a few pennies in it on the floor, she should momentarily look up to see what the noise was about. Like lightning, you’re going to take advantage of her attention and redirect it onto doing what you want her to do.

Your job is to interrupt that behavior and instantly redirect her to doing something appropriate, like gnawing on the chew toy that you spent a fortune on last night. Say “No” in a low, quiet voice and immediately make a sound to startle her. In the microsecond that she looks up, say “Good girl” to praise her for stopping what she was doing, smooch or click your tongue to keep her attention on you, and then redirect her attention to something more appropriate.

Even if your timing isn’t Olympian yet, you’re going to be way ahead of the game if you remember the basics: interrupt the problem behavior and immediately redirect it to something else.

Puppy buyers need to pay careful attention to the behavior of the parents and avoid getting a puppy from parent dogs who aren’t polite. The behavior of the parents will tell you a lot more about the eventual disposition of a puppy than the behavior of a seven-week-old puppy will. If you can’t pet the mother, the sweet little pup that you’re about to take home may not let your visitors in the house once she’s an adult.