What Matters Most: Living a More Considered Life

by James Hollis

All of us feel shamed by life; all of us consider ourselves failures of some kind, screw-ups in some arena important to us. Notice how shame, consciously or unconsciously, pulls us away from risk, ratifies our negative sense of worth through self-sabotage, or compels us into frenetic efforts at overcompensation, grandiosity, or yearning for validation that never comes.

Ask yourself of every dilemma, every choice, every relationship, every commitment, or every failure to commit, “Does this choice diminish me, or enlarge me?”

It is 5 A.M. All the worse things come stalking in And stand icily about the bed looking worse and worse and worse.7

One of the signs of the fact that the psyche moves on, whether we will it consciously or not, is the appearance of boredom, ennui, loss of energy. When we are doing what the psyche wants, the energy is there and the excitement is palpable.

The soul is a hungry child at our door. How long can we ignore its presence?

Someone recently said to me, “I have nothing left to do. I should go now,” meaning “die.”