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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Leil Lowndes
Read between
May 22 - May 26, 2020
The way you look and the way you move is more than 80 percent of someone's first impression of you.
Big winners know their smile is one of their most powerful weapons,
TECHNIQUE #1 THE FLOODING SMILE Don't flash an immediate smile when you greet someone, as though anyone who walked into your line of sight would be the beneficiary. Instead, look at the other person's face for a second. Pause. Soak in their persona. Then let a big, warm, responsive smile flood over your face and overflow into your eyes. It will engulf the recipient like a warm wave. The split-second delay convinces people your flooding smile is genuine and only for them.
TECHNIQUE #2 STICKY EYES Pretend your eyes are glued to your conversation partner's with sticky warm taffy. Don't break eye contact even after he or she has finished speaking. When you must look away, do it ever so slowly, reluctantly, stretching the gooey taffy until the tiny string finally breaks.
If absolutely have to break eye contact slowly shift your gaze to their nose and lips instead of completely looking away
TECHNIQUE #3 EPOXY EYES This brazen technique packs a powerful punch. Watch your target person even when someone else is talking. No matter who is speaking, keep looking at the man or woman you want to impact.
TECHNIQUE #4 HANG BY YOUR TEETH Visualize a circus iron-jaw bit hanging from the frame of every door you walk through. Take a bite and, with it firmly between your teeth, let it swoop you to the peak of the big top. When you hang by your teeth, every muscle is stretched into perfect posture position.
TECHNIQUE #5 THE BIG-BABY PIVOT Give everyone you meet The Big-Baby Pivot. The instant the two of you are introduced, reward your new acquaintance. Give the warm smile, the total-body turn, and the undivided attention you would give a tiny tyke who crawled up to your feet, turned a precious face up to yours, and beamed a big toothless grin. Pivoting 100 percent toward the new person shouts "I think you are very, very special."
TECHNIQUE #6 HELLO OLD FRIEND When meeting someone, imagine he or she is an old friend (an old customer, an old beloved, or someone else you had great affection for). How sad, the vicissitudes of life tore you two asunder. But, holy mackerel, now the party (the meeting, the convention) has reunited you with your long-lost old friend! The joyful experience starts a remarkable chain reaction in your body from the subconscious softening of your eyebrows to the positioning of your toes—and everything between.
When you act as though you like someone, you start to really like them. An Adelphi University study called, appropriately, "Believing Another Likes or Dislikes You: Behaviors Making the Beliefs Come True" proved it.
Reference this in connection to thinking fast and slow
TECHNIQUE #7 LIMIT THE FIDGET Whenever your conversation really counts, let your nose itch, your ear tingle, or your foot prickle. Do not fidget, twitch, wiggle, squirm, or scratch. And above all, keep your paws away from your puss. Hand motions near your face and all fidgeting can give your listener the gut feeling you're fibbing.
TECHNIQUE #8 HANS'S HORSE SENSE Make it a habit to get on a dual track while talking. Express yourself, but keep a keen eye on how your listener is reacting to what you're saying. Then plan your moves accordingly. If a horse can do it, so can a human. People will say you pick up on everything. You never miss a trick. You've got horse sense.
TECHNIQUE #9 WATCH THE SCENE BEFORE YOU MAKE THE SCENE Rehearse being the Super Somebody you want to be ahead of time. SEE yourself walking around with Hang by Your Teeth posture, shaking hands, smiling the Flooding Smile, and making Sticky Eyes. HEAR yourself chatting comfortably with everyone. FEEL the pleasure of knowing you are in peak form and everyone is gravitating toward you. VISUALIZE yourself a Super Somebody. Then it all happens automatically.
You see, small talk is not about facts or words. It's about music, about melody. Small talk is about putting people at ease. It's about making comforting noises together like cats purring, children humming, or groups chanting. You must first match your listener's mood.
When it comes to small talk, think music, not words. Is your listener adagio or allegro? Match that pace. I call it "Make a Mood Match."
TECHNIQUE #10 MAKE A MOOD MATCH Before opening your mouth, take a "voice sample" of your listener to detect his or her state of mind. Take a "psychic photograph" of the expression to see if your listener looks buoyant, bored, or blitzed. If you ever want to bring people around to your thoughts, you must match their mood and voice tone, if only for a moment.
It convinced me that it's not all what you say, it's how you say it.
TECHNIQUE #11 PROSAIC WITH PASSION Worried about your first words? Fear not, because 80 percent of your listener's impression has nothing to do with your words anyway. Almost anything you say at first is fine. No matter how prosaic the text, an empathetic mood, a positive demeanor, and passionate delivery make you sound exciting.
The trick is to ask your prosaic question with passion to get the other person talking.
TECHNIQUE #12 ALWAYS WEAR A WHATZIT Whenever you go to a gathering, wear or carry something unusual to give people who find you the delightful stranger across the crowded room an excuse to approach. "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your . . . what IS that?"
TECHNIQUE #13 WHOOZAT Whoozat is the most effective, least used (by non-politicians) meeting-people device ever contrived. Simply ask the party giver to make the introduction, or pump for a few facts that you can immediately turn into icebreakers.
TECHNIQUE #14 EAVESDROP IN No Whatzit? No host for Whoozat? No problem! Just sidle up behind the swarm of folks you want to infiltrate and open your ears. Wait for any flimsy excuse and jump in with "Excuse me, I couldn't help but overhear. . . ." Will they be taken aback? Momentarily. Will they get over it? Momentarily. Will you be in the conversation? Absolutely!
TECHNIQUE #15 NEVER THE NAKED CITY Whenever someone asks you the inevitable, "And where are you from?" never, ever, unfairly challenge their powers of imagination with a one-word answer. Learn some engaging facts about your hometown that conversational partners can comment on. Then, when they say something clever in response to your bait, they think you're a great conversationalist.
Your hook should relate to the type of person you're speaking with.
TECHNIQUE #16 NEVER THE NAKED JOB When asked the inevitable "And what do you do," you may think "I'm an economist/an educator/an engineer" is giving enough information to engender good conversation. However, to one who is not an economist, educator, or an engineer, you might as well be saying "I'm a paleontologist/psychoanalyst/pornographer." Flesh it out. Throw out some delicious facts about your job for new acquaintances to munch on. Otherwise, they'll soon excuse themselves, preferring the snacks back at the cheese tray.
TECHNIQUE #17 NEVER THE NAKED INTRODUCTION When introducing people, don't throw out an unbaited hook and stand there grinning like a big clam, leaving the newlymets to flutter their fins and fish for a topic. Bait the conversational hook to get them in the swim of things. Then you're free to stay or float on to the next networking opportunity.
How to introduce people?
When talking with anyone, keep your ears open and, like a good detective, listen for clues. Be on the lookout for any unusual references: any anomaly, deviation, digression, or invocation of another place, time, person. Ask about it because it's the clue to what your conversation partner would really enjoy discussing.
TECHNIQUE #18 BE A WORD DETECTIVE Like a good gumshoe, listen to your conversation partner's every word for clues to his or her preferred topic. The evidence is bound to slip out. Then spring on that subject like a sleuth on to a slip of the tongue. Like Sherlock Holmes, you have the clue to the subject that's hot for the other person.
How to react to cues?
A. With interest or enthusiasm
How to detect a cue?
"Well, when I meet someone, I learn so much more if I ask about their life. I always try to turn the spotlight on the other person." Truly confident people often do this. They know they grow more by listening than talking. Obviously, they also captivate the talker.
Salespeople, this technique is especially crucial for you. Keep your "Swiveling Spotlight" aimed away from you, only lightly on your product, and most brightly on your buyer. You'll do a much better job of selling yourself and your product. TECHNIQUE #19 THE SWIVELING SPOTLIGHT When you meet someone, imagine a giant revolving spotlight between you. When you're talking, the spotlight is on you. When the new person is speaking, it's shining on him or her. If you shine it brightly enough, the stranger will be blinded to the fact that you have hardly said a word about yourself. The longer you keep
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TECHNIQUE #20 PARROTING Never be left speechless again. Like a parrot, simply repeat the last few words your conversation partner says. That puts the ball right back in his or her court, and then all you need to do is listen.
TECHNIQUE #21 ENCORE! The sweetest sound a performer can hear welling up out of the applause is "Encore! Encore! Let's hear it again!" The sweetest sound your conversation partner can hear from your lips when you're talking with a group of people is "Tell them about the time you . . ." Whenever you're at a meeting or party with someone important to you, think of some stories he or she told you. Choose an appropriate one from their repertoire that the crowd will enjoy. Then shine the spotlight by requesting a repeat performance.
Make sure your requested Encore! is a positive story where they come out the big winner, not the buffoon.
TECHNIQUE #22 AC-CEN-TU-ATE THE POS-I-TIVE When first meeting someone, lock your closet door and save your skeletons for later. You and your new good friend can invite the skeletons out, have a good laugh, and dance over their bones later in the relationship. But now's the time, as the old song says, to "ac-cen-tu-ate the pos-i-tive and elim-i-nate the neg-a-tive."
TECHNIQUE #23 THE LATEST NEWS . . . DON'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT The last move to make before leaving for the party—even after you've given yourself final approval in the mirror—is to turn on the radio news or scan your newspaper. Anything that happened today is good material. Knowing the big-deal news of the moment is also a defensive move that rescues you from putting your foot in your mouth by asking what everybody's talking about. Foot-in-mouth is not very tasty in public, especially when it's surrounded by egg-on-face.
TECHNIQUE #24 WHAT DO YOU DO—NOT! A sure sign you're a Somebody is the conspicuous absence of the question, "What do you do?" (You determine this, of course, but not with those four dirty words that label you as either a ruthless networker, a social climber, a gold-digging husband or wife hunter, or someone who's never strolled along Easy Street.)
So how do you find out what someone does for a living? (I thought you'd never ask.) You simply practice the following eight words. All together now: "How . . . do . . . you . . . spend . . . most . . . of . . . your . . . time?"
To make the most of every encounter, personalize your verbal rèsumè with just as much care as you would your written curriculum vitae. Instead of having one answer to the omnipresent "What do you do?" prepare a dozen or so variations, depending on who's asking. For optimum networking, every time someone asks about your job, give a calculated oral rèsumè in a nutshell. Before you submit your answer, consider what possible interest the asker could have in you and your work.
Top salespeople talk extensively of the "benefit statement." They know, when talking with a potential client, they should open their conversation with a benefit statement. When my colleague Brian makes cold calls, instead of saying "Hello, my name is Brian Tracy. I'm a sales trainer," he says, "Hello, my name is Brian Tracy from the Institute for Executive Development. Would you be interested in a proven method that can increase your sales from 20 to 30 percent over the next twelve months?" That is his benefit statement. He highlights the specific benefits of what he has to offer to his
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Start your answer to the “what do you do” statement with a benefit statement.
When meeting a potential friend or loved one, make your life sound like you will be a fun person to know.
TECHNIQUE #25 THE NUTSHELL RÉSUMÉ Just as job-seeking top managers roll a different written rèsumè off their printers for each position they're applying for, let a different true story about your professional life roll off your tongue for each listener. Before responding to "What do you do?" ask yourself, "What possible interest could this person have in my answer? Could he refer business to me? Buy from me? Hire me? Marry my sister? Become my buddy?" Wherever you go, pack a nutshell about your own life to work into your communications bag of tricks.
TECHNIQUE #26 YOUR PERSONAL THESAURUS Look up some common words you use every day in the thesaurus. Then, like slipping your feet into a new pair of shoes, slip your tongue into a few new words to see how they fit. If you like them, start making permanent replacements. Remember, only fifty words makes the difference between a rich, creative vocabulary and an average, middle-of-the-road one. Substitute a word a day for two months and you'll be in the verbally elite.
to sound smart only use a few big words.
Here's the technique I call "Kill the Quick 'Me, Too!'" Whenever people mention an activity or interest you share, let them enjoy discussing their passion. Then, when the time is right, casually mention you share their interest.
When someone starts telling you about an activity he has done, a trip she has made, a club he belongs to, an interest she has—anything that you share—bite your tongue. Let the teller relish his or her own monologue. Relax and enjoy it, too, secretly knowing how much pleasure your conversation partner will have when you reveal you share the same experience. Then, when the moment is ripe, casually disclose your similarity. And be sure to mention how much you enjoyed hearing about his or her shared interest. TECHNIQUE #27 KILL THE QUICK "ME, TOO!" Whenever you have something in common with
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Let people finish.
Continuing up the sanity scale, the fewer times you use I, the more sane you seem to your listeners. If you eavesdrop on big winners talking with each other, you'll notice a lot more you than I in their conversation.
Since your smile is one of your biggest communications weapons,
Your smile is one of your most important communication weapons
Set aside five minutes. Lock your bedroom or bathroom door so your family doesn't think you've gone off the deep end. Now stand in front of the mirror and flash a few smiles. Discover the subtle differences in your repertoire. Just as you would alternate saying "Hello," "How do you do," and "I am pleased to meet you" when being introduced to a group of people, vary your smile. Don't use the same on each. Let each of your smiles reflect the nuances of your sentiment about the recipient. TECHNIQUE #29 THE EXCLUSIVE SMILE If you flash everybody the same smile, like a Confederate dollar, it loses
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TECHNIQUE #30 DON'T TOUCH A CLICHè WITH A TEN-FOOT POLE Be on guard. Don't use any clichès when chatting with big winners. Don't even touch one with a ten-foot pole. Never? Not even when hell freezes over? Not unless you want to sound dumb as a doorknob. Instead of coughing up a clichè, roll your own clever phrases by using the next technique.
Find phrases that have visual impact. Instead of a clichè like "sure as death and taxes,"
TECHNIQUE #31 USE JAWSMITH'S JIVE Whether you're standing behind a podium facing thousands or behind the barbecue grill facing your family, you'll move, amuse, and motivate with the same skills. Read speakers' books to cull quotations, pull pearls of wisdom, and get gems to tickle their funny bones. Find a few bon mots to let casually slide off your tongue on chosen occasions. If you want to be notable, dream up a crazy quotable. Make 'em rhyme, make 'em clever, or make
TECHNIQUE #32 CALL A SPADE A SPADE Don't hide behind euphemisms. Call a spade a spade. That doesn't mean big cats use tasteless four-letter words when perfectly decent five- and six-letter ones exist. They've simply learned the King's English, and they speak it. Here's another way to tell the big players from the little ones just by listening to a few minutes of their conversation.
