How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships

by Leil Lowndes

When talking with anyone, keep your ears open and, like a good detective, listen for clues. Be on the lookout for any unusual references: any anomaly, deviation, digression, or invocation of another place, time, person. Ask about it because it's the clue to what your conversation partner would really enjoy discussing.

"How do you spend most of your time?"

Whenever people mention an activity or interest you share, let them enjoy discussing their passion.

Start every appropriate sentence with you.

BIG SHOTS DON'T SLOBBER

never let the phrase thank you stand naked and alone. Always make it thank you for something.

Scramble Therapy is, quite simply, scrambling up your life and participating in an activity you'd never think of indulging in. Just one out of every four weekends, do something totally out of your pattern.

Watch his or her body, then imitate the style of movement. That makes your conversation partner subliminally real comfy with you.

When you respond with complete sentences instead of the usual grunts, not only do you come across as more articulate, but your listener feels that you really understand.

Deliver your Killer Compliment to the recipient in private.

Confer only one Killer Compliment per half year on each recipient.

Ask the important people in your life what they would like engraved on their tombstone. Chisel it into your memory but don't mention it again. Then, when the moment is right to say "I appreciate you" or "I love you," fill the blanks with the very words they gave you weeks earlier.

All spouses and secretaries have influence. Deal accordingly.

When people support the real why of the party, they become popular and sought-after guests for future events.

As their keen eyes scan the crowd, they're asking themselves "Who would I most enjoy talking to? Who looks like they could be most beneficial to my life? Who could I learn most from in this gang?"

When you invoke the last major or minor event in anyone's life, it confirms what they've known all along.

I realized big boys and big girls see no bloopers, hear no bloopers. They never say "Butterfingers" or "Whoops" or even "Uh-oh." They ignore their colleagues' boners. They simply don't notice their comrades' minor spills, slips, fumbles, and blunders.

Cool communicators allow their friends, associates, acquaintances, and loved ones the pleasurable myth of being above commonplace bloopers and embarrassing biological functions.

BARE THE BURIED WIIFM (AND WIIFY) Whenever you suggest a meeting or ask a favor, divulge the respective benefits. Reveal what's in it for you and what's in it for the other person—even if it's zip. If any hidden agenda comes up later, you get labeled a sly fox.

unspoken rule big winners always obey: don't jump immediately when someone is doing you a favor. Allow the person granting the favor time to savor the pleasure of agreeing to it, before having to pay up.

When you do someone a favor and it's obvious that "he owes you one," wait a suitable amount of time before asking him to "pay."

Consistently create safe havens for people if you want them to elevate you to the status of big winner.

If you need information, let people have their entire say first.

When you mess up, you have to even your score by doing more for the one who didn't. To keep love alive, keep your eye on The Great Scorecard in the Sky.