How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships

by Leil Lowndes

Don't flash an immediate smile when you greet someone, as though anyone who walked into your line of sight would be the beneficiary. Instead, look at the other person's face for a second. Pause. Soak in their persona. Then let a big, warm, responsive smile flood over your face and overflow into your eyes. It will engulf the recipient like a warm wave. The split-second delay convinces people your flooding smile is genuine and only for them.

In addition to awakening feelings of respect and affection, maintaining strong eye contact gives you the impression of being an intelligent and abstract thinker.

Men talking to women and women talking to men or women: use the following technique, which I call "Sticky Eyes," for the joy of the recipient—and for your own advantage.

Now gentlemen: when talking to men, you, too, can use Sticky Eyes. Just make them a little less sticky when discussing personal matters with other men, lest your listener feel threatened or misinterpret your intentions.

HANG BY YOUR TEETH Visualize a circus iron-jaw bit hanging from the frame of every door you walk through. Take a bite and, with it firmly between your teeth, let it swoop you to the peak of the big top. When you hang by your teeth, every muscle is stretched into perfect posture position.

THE BIG-BABY PIVOT Give everyone you meet The Big-Baby Pivot. The instant the two of you are introduced, reward your new acquaintance. Give the warm smile, the total-body turn, and the undivided attention you would give a tiny tyke who crawled up to your feet, turned a precious face up to yours, and beamed a big toothless grin. Pivoting 100 percent toward the new person shouts "I think you are very, very special."

Remember, buried deep inside everyone is a big baby who is rattling the crib, wailing out for recognition of how very special he or she is.

TECHNIQUE #6 HELLO OLD FRIEND When meeting someone, imagine he or she is an old friend (an old customer, an old beloved, or someone else you had great affection for). How sad, the vicissitudes of life tore you two asunder. But, holy mackerel, now the party (the meeting, the convention) has reunited you with your long-lost old friend! The joyful experience starts a remarkable chain reaction in your body from the subconscious softening of your eyebrows to the positioning of your toes—and everything between.

When you act as though you like someone, you start to really like them.

TECHNIQUE #7 LIMIT THE FIDGET Whenever your conversation really counts, let your nose itch, your ear tingle, or your foot prickle. Do not fidget, twitch, wiggle, squirm, or scratch. And above all, keep your paws away from your puss. Hand motions near your face and all fidgeting can give your listener the gut feeling you're fibbing.

Like a good gumshoe, listen to your conversation partner's every word for clues to his or her preferred topic. The evidence is bound to slip out. Then spring on that subject like a sleuth on to a slip of the tongue.

The last move to make before leaving for the party—even after you've given yourself final approval in the mirror—is to turn on the radio news or scan your newspaper. Anything that happened today is good material. Knowing the big-deal news of the moment is also a defensive move that rescues you from putting your foot in your mouth by asking what everybody's talking about. Foot-in-mouth is not very tasty in public, especially when it's surrounded by egg-on-face.

Empathizers are simple, short, supportive statements. Unlike "uh huh," they are complete sentences such as "I can appreciate you decided to do that," or "That really is exciting." Empathizers can be one-sentence positive critiques like "Yes, that was the honorable thing to do," or "It's charming you felt that way."

No matter whether you hear the ring in the boardroom, the bedroom, or the bathroom, self-styled telephone experts tell you, "Smile before answering." Some pros even suggest you perch a mirror right next to your phone to monitor your grin.