A Confederacy of Dunces

by John Kennedy Toole

"Is it the part of the police department to harass me when this city is a flagrant vice capital of the civilized world?" Ignatius bellowed over the crowd in front of the store. "This city is famous for its gamblers, prostitutes, exhibitionists, Antichrists, alcoholics, sodomites, drug addicts, fetishists, onanists, pornographers, frauds, jades, litterbugs, and lesbians, all of whom are only too well protected by graft. If you have a moment, I shall endeavor to discuss

the crime problem with you, but don't make the mistake of bothering 7ne."

"What?" Ignatius bellowed. "We must stay to watch the corruption. It's already beginning to set in."

got here."

"A firm rule must be imposed upon our nation before it destroys itself. The United States needs some theology and geometry, some taste and decency. I suspect that we are teetering on the edge of the abyss."

Veneration of Mark Twain is one of the roots of our current intellectual stalemate."

"Hey, you a junkie?" the boy called to Jones. "You look like a junkie to me." "You be lookin pretty junky with a Night of joy broom stickin out your ass," Jones said very slowly. "Night of joy broom old, they good and splintery."

In spite of all to which they have been subjected, Negroes are nonetheless a rather pleasant folk for the most part. I really have had little to do with them, for I mingle with my peers or no one, and since I have no peers, I mingle with no one.

sweepin and

"She

Now he has relegated me to working in the French Quarter, an area which houses every vice that man has ever conceived in

his wildest aberrations, including, I would imagine, several modern variants made possible through the wonders of science.

recommend

never permit me near a typewriter.