Keep Your Friends Close

by Lucinda Berry

Her home was a safe haven for people. That’s how she saw it. That’s how she wanted it to be. Safe and comfortable. She was so kind. Caring. So nice. Everyone loved her. Such a bright light in a world filled with so much darkness. And now she was gone. Just like that. Her light snuffed out.

She was the kindest and most compassionate soul to others. It was the demands she placed on herself. She put impossible standards on herself and punished herself mercilessly when she didn’t achieve them.

the same way I let her talk me into everything like a stupid dummy. I gave up everything for her. Everything. Every single piece of me. Why? Why was I so stupid? Because I loved her. Still did. Even now. I believed in us. In love. Real true love. The kind very few people ever got but we were one of the lucky ones. We had the stuff romance novels were made of. We were the friends-to-lovers trope destined for happily ever after. How could we not be? Being roommates in an inpatient treatment

I couldn’t stand that I still had a baby bump. It wasn’t fair. I was supposed to celebrate my womanhood and wear the scars of motherhood like a champion fighter, but I wanted to be pretty again. I wanted to look like me again. Not this frumpy, overweight, and pimply-faced-looking teenager that cried at sad ads on my social media feeds.

And right now, she was freaking out even though she was wrapping her arms around Brooke and telling her not to be embarrassed about it, that it was going to be okay. She absolutely hated public displays of messiness. She didn’t like emotional outbursts in public. She had no problem crying and screaming things out, but she liked to do all her breaking down behind closed doors. I got it. I was the same way.

Men didn’t have the same burden, so how could he know? How could I expect him to understand? No man really could. They got points just for sticking

around and not leaving. Their bar for parenthood was set so low, you could step over it. Ours was impossible to reach, and there was no way to win no matter what you did. And I’d felt so bad