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In a world short of love, I had to be wanted. I was wanted. I felt wanted. Never loved, no. But I was wanted.
Maybe I fell in love with the potential of people, not who they really were.
“I’m sorry I didn’t text you,” she said, her eyes sincerely apologetic. And that’s when I knew I was a dick. A liar. That’s when I recognized how fucked up I was, because I responded with, “I didn’t notice.” For fuck’s sakes, Jace. I noticed everything. Blu didn’t talk to me for the rest of class.
But broken pieces always remained, especially when they sat right underneath your skin. It looked like flesh, felt like flesh. Shards became soft. Glass became smooth. Pain became happiness. Happiness became pain. Pain became comfort, and that comfort was bliss.
She said one word. One word that sent all the waves of serotonin into overdrive. One word that no one had ever said to me in my entire life. A word I craved to hear. A word that did not exist to my ears. “Mine.”
“Good enough to fuck,” I stated. “Not good enough to love,” I accepted.
She was my match. An equal. A broken piece of myself, a mirrored shard of glass.
That was also the moment I realized how little of myself I had left, when I was trying to please everyone else.
“I understand you,” he whispered. “I understand you.”
“The bed is my second choice Blu, but your comfort is my first.”
“You fucked me over,” I started, bleeding into the pain I felt for months. “You fucked me up. And yet, you come back every time. Why? Why do you insist on doing this to me?”
His response may have been the most honest thing he’s ever said, and that terrified me. In one breath, he shattered my soul. “You let me.”
“Because if you touch me, I’ll be okay. I’ll know you’re still in there – that…” He turned to me, his eyes bloodshot and glazed, “That one year later, you still have love for me.”
[I didn’t compare anyone to Blu because she was incomparable].
But I wanted the moon, the night sky and everything Blu[e].
“Please don’t fall for anyone but me, please.”
“I’m selfishly in love with you.”
