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Kindle Notes & Highlights
“Telling a woman not to overthink something is as dangerous as telling her to calm down when she’s angry.”
“Oh, please. No kidnappers would ever be able to withstand hearing you go on and on about Jamie Fraser from Outlander. They’d return you in five minutes.”
“I’m gonna FaceTime you so you can see everything. If I get arrested, call that attorney friend of yours.” “He’s an immigration attorney. Are you being deported?”
With her eyes wide and her nose pressed to the screen, she mouths Holy shit.
It’s like watching a T-Rex trying to convince itself it’s vegan.
“They’re all beautiful. It’s unnatural. I bet they made a pact with the devil. Pass me the Parmesan.”
“You’re something much better than beautiful. And when we’re married, I’ll tell you what it is.”
“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”
“Because you’re going to make a vow,” he says softly. “A very serious vow that includes the words ‘Until death do us part.’ And every time you think about leaving me, you’ll remember those words and that vow, and it will stop you.”
“Could you lower the stapler, darling? You look a little unhinged.”
“I said ‘sleeping in my bed,’ and you melted.” “I’m not butter. I don’t melt.”
“Call me a farm animal one more time, and your testicles pay the price. Step back.”
“Look up and to the right. See that security camera on the ceiling? No, that’s a speaker.
“I’m too busy patting myself on the back for how well I’m adjusting to being married to a psychopath. I’m not even crying or anything.”
“I’ve never understood how you don’t think you’re adorable.” “I’m as adorable as a wild boar.” “I wasn’t talking about your personality.”
“To my wife, the only woman I’ve ever met who uses infant shit as a condiment.”
“My trust is earned, not dispensed on demand.”
I’m serious. I don’t want fruit stored in my vadge. It’s not Tupperware.”
Here’s where I’d like to throw myself out the window, except we’re on the first floor.”
“He said he saw his whole future the first time he looked into your eyes.”
“I’m not insane. I’m perfectly rational. My ethics are just a little more bendy than other people’s.”
The road to hell is actually paved with the prayers of cowards who think sitting on a church bench once a week is sufficient. If there is a god, he doesn’t give a shit about prayers.
Not all happily-ever-afters are for white knights, darling. Sometimes the villain gets the girl. And isn’t that a much more interesting ending to the story? With all my black heart, Your monster
