More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
“Because I like you. It’s scary as hell because you make me feel everything. And I know I’ll disappoint you. That I can’t promise much, but sometimes I think maybe I could. If I tried hard enough. If I found a way to make things right.”
After everything he shared, his words feel important. Like he half expects me to think of him as lesser-than because he went through life being unappreciated. I make a mental promise to adore him. To show him that nothing he says could drive me away. I care about the man no one else knows. I even think I love him.
His words batter against my heart. Rowan usually might not say much, but tonight he won’t stop. Each word works its way down to my soul, fusing together the broken bits Lance left behind in his wake.
Forget sparks. Together, we’re a raging inferno so blistering, I’m scared that I’ll burst into flames if I touch him. It’s fitting, seeing how falling for Rowan is like playing with fire. One wrong move can consume me. Ruin me. Turn me into nothing but ashes in his wake. But I want to risk falling in love anyway in the hopes that we create something beautiful together. Like a diamond built under pressure, with flaws that make us stunning. I want that kind of love with Rowan. The one that is as passionate as a wildfire and as long-lasting as a gem.
I want to steal more of Zahra’s firsts. Anything to recreate that smile she has while looking at a pile of rocks and a lopsided snowman. I want to own her smile just as much as I want to own every other part of her.
“Because what?” Say you care. Say you want me anyway. Say you might be scared, but some things in life are worth the risk. Say anything but nothing.
I thought a lot of hopeful things, but most of all, I thought Rowan loved me enough to face the demons holding him back. But this isn’t some fairy tale. Change doesn’t magically happen because someone threw pixie dust in the air or made a wish on a shooting star. No. That’s not how real life works. People need to put in the work to fix themselves, and while I’ve done it, Rowan hasn’t. He’s too afraid. Too selfish. Too consumed by his drive for more, without even realizing what exactly he wants more of. I thought he wanted more of me, but I put stock in something make-believe.
But what good is an end goal if I don’t feel happy when everything is decided?
It’s jagged like it was done with a sharp knife, but the handwriting is unmistakably my mother’s. My little knights, Love with all your heart and show kindness in all your actions. Mommy
I chose myself every damn time because it was easy.
Whatever son my mother raised died along with her, and I feel nothing but shame. A wave of regret hits me all at once. I discard the drill, take a seat on the chair, and allow myself to come to terms with the monster I became at the sacrifice of my mother’s most important values.
“That’s the thing, Rowan. I think you think you’re better than that, but from everything I’ve seen, I have no reason to believe you’re anything but selfish. You choose to think about one person and one person only—and that’s yourself.”
Love does make people helpless, but only because they willingly accept it. Because to love someone else means to trust them enough to not abuse the power they have over you. Despite how Zahra might feel about me, I trust her. I trust her with my whole damn heart and my future. There’s not a pro-con list in the world that could keep me away from her anymore.
“I wanted to say that although you might be considered a good businessman, you’ve done it at the expense of being a terrible, verbally abusive father. And one day you’re going to look back on your life and regret the way you treated your children, and I hope it hurts you as much as you hurt them. So fuck you and fuck off.”
I took your love for granted when I should have cherished it. Because to be loved by you is a gift. One that I threw away because I was too stupid and selfish to give you that kind of power over me in return.”
“You were right when you said you deserve better. You always have and you always will. But I refuse to let you go. I can’t let you go because you’re the one person in this entire world who makes me want to smile, and I’m too damn selfish to let the best thing in my life get away from me because I’m afraid.”
“Truth is, I’m terrified of falling in love. But I’d rather trust you with my heart and risk you breaking it than live another day without you in my life. I want to be the kind of man that deserves a woman as beautiful, selfless, and kind as you. It might take my entire life to achieve that kind of goal, but as long as you’re by my side, I’d consider it a life worth living.”
“And while I know I don’t deserve you, I’ll spend every single day proving to you how much I love you.”
Zahra’s it for me. I know it with everything in me, and my intuition has never been wrong before. There’s nothing in the world I’ll find more beautiful than her. Not the sun. Not the moon. Not even the entire galaxy compares to the light she radiates wherever she goes.
