The Good Liar (Infidelity #1)

by C.P. Harris

If only they knew how deep things could get when wading into Cole’s waters.

As I fought for air, Cole stood there as if there wasn’t a pile of pain and rubble beneath both our feet. He wore his dark hair slicked away from his face, his angular jaw hidden beneath his artfully constructed five-o’clock shadow. His icy blue eyes were backlit with a cruelty that had earned him the label of mysterious. I’d always joked that Franklin’s obsidian eyes were wasted on him. Between him and his son, Cole wore the darkness well. Cole took on the olive coloring of his South American maternal grandfather, while I’d been gifted with the paleness of my European father. He towered unflinchingly, statuesque, wearing the hell out of his black suit, whereas my tux wore me. In this room full of people who were supposed to be important, the controlling shareholder and CEO of Nexcom Global was in his element. He was the man Daniel wanted me to be.

Privacy was the last thing we needed. Cole and I needed to be supervised at all times.

The truth was, if it wasn’t Daniel getting the scraps of me, it would’ve been someone else, because my heart wasn’t whole. I’d left the other half of it back in Seattle, and now it was here, right in front of me, staring into me as if nothing could keep us apart. Not even my vows.

“You’re priceless, Jasper,”

Cole was an animal with a suit as his cage, and no forged piece of jewelry on my hand or legal document binding me to Daniel would keep him from what he wanted, if what he wanted was me. I couldn’t afford to forget that. I couldn’t afford to forget we were one and the same.

We needed mountains, oceans, fucking worlds between us.

“You’re worth all the trouble, Jasper. And I needed a way in.” The sunlight beamed down on him through the balcony doors at his back, removing all shadows, highlighting the raw honesty in his eyes. He wanted a place in my life, but I wanted to maintain what my life had been without him. Safe in its predictability. Reliable in its boredom.

“So you hired Daniel as a way to tether us together. You decided to make it impossible for me to get rid of you,” I said around the lump of terror lodged in my throat. “Impossible for you to ignore me,” he amended without remorse. “I’m not here to make your life hard.” “Then why has it suddenly gotten harder? Why does it feel like it’s about to implode?” Cole inched closer, and I instinctively skittered back, shaking my head. “I’ll play whatever role you want me to play, Jasper. I just can’t take being a stranger to the man who knows me best any longer. Please, let me in.” His eyes pleaded with me.

“No one’s called me that before,” I’d said. “It’s mine. If anyone calls you that, you tell them it belongs to me. That you belong to me.”

“Our relationship, or whatever this is”—I gestured between us—“shouldn’t come between my relationship with him.” You’re making a bad decision, Jasper. My conscience kept pounding away at me. “If you’re happy, I won’t interfere—” “That isn’t good enough,” I snapped urgently. “You can’t expect me to sit idle and watch you be hurt. That’s a promise I can’t make. But if you’re happy with him…” He drifted off on a swallow as if preparing for the pain of his next words. “If he’s good to you, then you have nothing to worry about from me.”

“You were always big on doing what you love, and not what anyone wanted of you. I used to want to be just like you. Still do.”

“You forgive too easily,” Cole said at my back. “Always have. Selene used to call you her big, bleeding heart.” “What’s your point?” I asked, not unkindly, just short on time. “Nothing.” He shrugged. “Just, thank you. That’s all.” It didn’t feel like nothing, but with no time to spare on dwelling, I let it be. “I’ll be in touch.” I sagged against the cabin wall once the doors sealed me inside, pretending I hadn’t heard his last whispered question, pretending it hadn’t taken my breath away. “Are you still in love with me, Jasper?”

Jasper is relentless when he believes in something, and he believed in me. Without him I might have ended up like you, but because of him, I know what makes a great man. And he’s the greatest man in this room.”

Jealousy was a dangerous emotion, and one I was more than capable of succumbing to. It had taken everything to maintain a neutral expression as Daniel ran his hands over Jasper at the dinner table last night. I’d wanted to clear the dishes away with a sweep of my arm. I had wanted to fuck Jasper right there and make Daniel watch. Wanted to show him how Jasper loved to be touched. How he loved to be taken not asked. School him on what it meant to bring his husband pleasure. And I had wanted him to choke on it.

I knew him, enough to know a battle waged between his mind’s instinct to be suspicious of me, and his heart’s desire to be nice to me, for its need to let me in. He was scared, and he had every right to be.

“Alright. I guess I’m all yours then for the night. Where to?” His words, delivered innocently, sent a flare of something forbidden and hot to the floor of my gut. If only he were mine for the night. For forever. If only. “Let’s go back to my place,” I said, thanking everything holy I’d succeeded in making my tone airy. “We can order in. Catch up without the prying ears of neighboring diners.” “Prying ears might be best.” “Please,” I said. He blew out a breath, battling his decision. “Okay,” he said to my bewilderment. “Let’s go before I change my mind.”

I loved him, and regardless of the lie I’d readily told him yesterday, I was still in love with him. Madly so.

Jasper had a way of appearing helpless, even though he was the strongest person in the room. Handsome, pretty, even. A face so delicate had no business being atop a body so stringent. He was a slut, a virgin, the devil, and an angel rolled into one. A case study in contradictions, leaving my cock hard and my heart soft as putty. I wanted to break him, and then piece his fractured parts back together again. Nothing would ever change that, and I didn’t know how long I’d be capable of sticking to my promise, of keeping my hands off him, of not ruining everything.

Seeing Jasper this conflicted, this unhappy, felt tragic, and I was at a loss for how to help him. It made me dislike Daniel even more, which made me want Jasper even more because someone needed to save him. I wanted that someone to be me. If still wanting him, knowing the pain loving this version of him might bring me, made me an unapologetic sadist, then so be it. I’d do bad things with a clear head to have him. And then I’d do them all over again if it meant I got to have him in the next life, too.

“Three days.” He wiggled his fingers to punctuate his point. “It’s been three days since you left me asleep on my sofa without so much as a blanket thrown over me. And I haven’t heard a peep from you.” “First of all,” I said, “that thing is a cloud, not a sofa. Nothing has the right to be that comfortable. And secondly, it’s been two days.” “So you’ve been counting,” he said, his sea blue eyes bright with victory. “I see you’re still incorrigible,” I quipped, unable to keep the zing from my tone.

“Does hard work have to equate to manual work?” “I don’t expect you to understand, Mr. Businessman. The rest of us don’t mind getting our hands dirty,” I said, baiting him. Without another word, Cole dramatically removed his expensive wool coat, tossing it carelessly onto the mountain of boxes, then began the process of removing his cufflinks and hiking up his sleeves. “Getting dirty is my specialty, Mr. Jasper. Or have you forgotten?” he said sinfully. My cheeks boiled from the inside out.

He gripped my elbow, moving in close again, this time making sure I couldn’t escape. “Thank you, again. For this,” he gestured around us, “and for letting me back in. Thank you.” I couldn’t say he was welcome, because I didn’t want to let him in. I didn’t want to love having him around. I didn’t want to miss having him in my corner. I also couldn’t fight him on it, because I lacked the strength needed to fight a connection so strong, which was ultimately why I’d ended up agreeing to hang out at his place the other day. I couldn’t push him away if he was intent on pushing back for a place to stay, because I didn’t hate him. I hated myself for what I did to him, for what I was still doing to him. For what I’d done to all of us. It would’ve been so much easier if I had hated him. And after our talk the other night I realized I envied his ability to live in spite of his guilt. To go for what he wanted, consequences be damned, and not lose a wink of sleep behind it. Especially since the death of my mother had triggered the trauma he’d carried around for the tragic death of his own mother, and the role he incorrectly believed he’d played in it. It was obvious he’d taken the time and done the self-work needed to be okay in the face of what happened to us.

“Don’t be jealous,” he said. “I’m not trying to steal your best friend.” “I’m not jealous.” Even I heard the petulance in my tone. “Liar,” he teased. “You never liked anyone else playing with your things.” Things sounded pretty filthy coming from his mouth. His full, deceptively sweet mouth. The things it could do, the tortures it could inflict, and the person those pillows of hell could make me become was anything but sweet. I averted my gaze, but not quickly enough. Damn him and his maddeningly knowing grin.

Cole studied me, studied the wayward curl swaying across my forehead like a carrot on a string. The fine leather gloves he’d held out for me now creaked between one white-knuckled fist. I knew my rabbit. Knew his need to comb the curl away if only so he could touch some part of me. There was a time when not touching him felt like dying. Back when sleeping with each other seemed innocent to watching eyes, and when bolting our door became a requirement when we were old enough to be judged for it. When as teens we walked each other to the bathroom hand in hand in the middle of the night, because we couldn’t be apart for not even a minute. If that meant I’d have to hold his cock and aim, well then… We’d done what we had to do to remain connected. Always. I couldn’t say if I nodded with my head, my mind, or my eyes, but the lump at his throat bobbed, and he stuffed the stray hair under my beanie hat, his fingers tracing my cheek on their way down. Fuck.

We laced into our skates, and with a deep breath, I relaxed my shoulders. I wanted to smile. I couldn’t wait to laugh at his attempts to make it around the rink. I wanted to feel the joy I had faked before he’d arrived tonight. He made me want these things without even trying. “Fair warning, if you fall, I’m laughing. Like laughing my ass off laughing.” I pushed up and held out a hand. “That’ll be worth every hard blow I take to the ass,” he said, accepting my hand and staggering to his feet.

I didn’t want him more broken than he already was, because I loved him more than I wanted him.

He finally met my gaze. His hair was gelled back into a sleek bun at his nape, and the sharp points of his cheekbones were tinged pink with either anger or embarrassment, and his eyes were round pools of bleakness. I wanted to send him to his knees, I wanted to get down on mine, I wanted to kiss every aching part of him right then.

I felt a pride that went beyond brotherly, beyond what a friend felt for a friend, and beyond even the pride of lovers. I loved him as a person first and foremost. No matter how imperfect he believed himself to be, there was no denying just how perfect he was to me.

“I like my men submissive with only the occasional flare of temper in bed for those moments when I’d rather take than be given. Because sometimes, I like to fight for what’s mine.”

I pressed a kiss to the top of his head to keep from barking out the crude words clogging my throat. I breathed steadily, winding myself down. “No one’s better than you, Jasper. No one.”

“I hate it when your hands aren’t on me. Always so hu–hungry. Starving for–for your touch, Cole.” His words were disjointed, a mash of feelings brought on by too much alcohol digested in too short a time span, and by whatever sat here with us, eating him alive.

his chest. “I understood my father’s feelings toward me. I had never resented him for it. Losing you is what crushed me, Jasper.”

He could stay, he could never leave. One word from him and I’d make it so he’d never have to lay his beautiful eyes on Daniel again. Whatever the cost may be. There was no price I wouldn’t pay.

“I’m going to be sick tomorrow,” he murmured incoherently, gentle snores chasing the end of his statement. “Don’t worry,” I whispered into his wispy curls. “I’ll take care of you.” I would do anything for you.

“You were always more warm-blooded than me,” he said. “That was a lie I told so you’d let me into your bed at night,” I confessed.

“He could’ve shown up just this once. I mean, he could’ve even called.” “I can’t argue with that,” Cole agreed. “But if he had shown up, I wouldn’t have, and I don’t regret a thing about last night.” His gaze turned predatory, and my insides clenched around a knot of hunger having nothing to do with needing to be fed, at least not with actual food.

“We were more than brothers. More than best friends,” he whispered. “And then something changed, and not just for you. Our hugs were different. Holding you stirred a different response in me. The difference between us was that I didn’t want to go there with you. I wanted to get those feelings for you out of my system, but you were a flame ready to burn everything down.

“Then why are you here with me, right now?” Because I’m in love with you, I wanted to scream. Because I’m selfish, and I can’t stop doing evil things no matter who they hurt. Because I just want to go back, I want to take it all back. Make my wrong right again. But I can’t, because the only other person I’d ever loved more than I love you is gone. Gone because of me. “Because I want you…” I said instead of all that, and then tacked on like a coward, “in my life.” I didn’t want to say it. The thing we both understood right then. I didn’t want to admit why my hands were suddenly roaming up his chest. I didn’t want to later have to face the choice I was making. I wanted deniability. Even from myself. “Aren’t you the one who came looking for me?” He hummed in the back of his throat, retreating further into the room, leaving my hands to fall and dangle at my side. “It wasn’t too long ago you wanted me on the next flight out of here.” “Where’s this coming from?” I crossed my arms defensively. “The truth is, I want you, and there isn’t anything I’m above doing to have you. But I don’t want to risk losing you completely once you wake up and decide to use whatever happens between us as a weapon to push me away, again. I don’t want you pretending you didn’t make a clear choice tonight. I…” He let the vowel hang until it was gone.

I could do this, and Daniel would never need to know. But what if it didn’t work out that way? What if I ended up scorching everything around me because I couldn’t let sleeping dogs lie? Because I couldn’t get over Cole. Would. It. Be. Worth it? The doors eased shut, caging me in with my rambling conscience. The tiny voice whispered up the line from my heart and into my skull. Yes, it said. Having him in some way would be worth everything.

“What are you doing here?” I said to Cole, my tone light. “Do I need to file a restraining order?” He stood, buttoning his blazer and checking the room around us before lowering his voice. “I got all the juicy details on your schedule, remember? And only if that order means I get to restrain you.” He winked playfully. “You were brilliant in there,” he exclaimed. “Shhh. We’re in court.” I chuckled quietly, relieved by the absence of tension after how we’d left things last night. “Court’s no longer in session. The judge said so himself,” he said adorably, which was a rare feat for Cole. On the spectrum of adorable and dangerously handsome, the pendulum tended to swing toward danger.

“God, you were made for this, Jas. You had the jury eating out of the palm of your hands. And I like your hair,” he said randomly.

We never spoke again about our kiss, or a possible affair, or me leaving Daniel. We just lived each moment a second at a time, regaining something pivotal, something I never wanted to lose again, something I was also terrified of re-obtaining.

“You’re upset with me for coming back,” I said jerkily. “You’re upset with yourself for wanting this. For needing it. But please,” I begged. “Don’t be mean. Let me know when you’re coming, Jasper.”

“You’re mine. This was inevitable. And I never want his fucking hands on you again.”

“You’ve never been touched the way you—the way you touch me. You’d never understand.” “And you’ve never been loved the way you loved me, not even by me. No one is capable of the kind of love you give. So you wouldn’t understand how impossible it would be for me to move on. Or to give anyone even a fraction of what I gave you,” he promised.

Our anger had been replaced with something softer, something more vulnerable, and it was wreaking havoc on me. “I shouldn’t be here,” I said so quietly I couldn’t confirm if the statement was for me, for him, or God. “But you are!” he shouted in frustration, rage returning with a vengeance. I stepped back, not in fear of him, but in fear of how aroused his outburst had made me. Cole reached me in three strides, yanking me to him by my sweater. “You don’t get to run from me tonight. You face me and tell me what you’re doing here. Because we both know you’re aware of why.”

Cole relaxed on his haunches, spreading his knees wider, his other hand rubbing along his erection through the thin layer of his pants. Falling over me, he started up a dry hump while chasing my lips, growling in frustration and securing a fist in my hair to keep me still, stealing the kiss he wanted. “I love you,” he said over and over between kisses and taking a second for air. My body was a live wire, my mind unable to settle on one thought, my voice unable to spit out a coherent sentence. I bit his lip, sending him snarling away as I wheezed, the taste of copper filling my mouth. Perspiration beaded my skin, the heat from the fireplace bumping up against the flames bursting free from within. “Did he suck your cock?” I needed this resolved before I handed myself over to him. Before I allowed him to take what he wanted from me. “No,” he said. “We kissed. And I couldn’t go any further. I promise, angel.” Angel. It had been too many years since he’d called me that, and I could no longer fight the urge to bend, to give him everything, all of me right then, to be his good fucking angel.

“No marking,” I pleaded, fisting the rug, the light of the moon glinting off my wedding band. Or maybe it was the condemning eyes of God shining down on me. “You don’t get to tell me what to do to you,” he growled into my neck, teeth locking around my skin as we came, his cum temporarily washing the guilt away.

“Yeah, just like that. Take it all the way. I love it when you gag on it. I love that it’s too much for you. You’re perfect, angel.”