The Ex I'd Love to Hate (The Lasker Brothers #3)

by Nadia Lee

“Son of a bitch.” He chuckles, which adds to my annoyance. “For a super-smart guy, you’re pretty stupid about these things.”

“Really, Einstein? Why don’t you tell me what to do, then?”

“Be like Nike. Just...

But every time I see her, my chest hurts.” Actually, it’s more like my heart, but I’m not telling him that.

But she shouldn’t have to smile at anybody for money. Ever. Her smile’s too lovely. Beyond price. Most importantly, she’s a prize worth fighting for— The realization bursts like a bomb inside my head. But instead of stunning me, it leaves me crystal clear for the first time since she reappeared in my life. It’s the truth I’ve been denying all this time because I didn’t want to accept it, even though subconsciously, I knew. Just the idea of her being with another guy makes me sick. Fourteen years apart, and I still feel this way. And it isn’t going to change. She left an indelible mark on my heart all those years ago, and it’s only gotten deeper. But in order for me to embrace that, I have to forgive her for what she’s done. Do I want to do that? Yes. I’m sick of denying myself. I’m sick of trying to hurt her because it doesn’t give me satisfaction, just pain and guilt. She did what she did when we were in college. Everyone makes mistakes when they’re young. All she’s been trying to do is take care of her grandfather by working her ass off. She could’ve latched on to some rich asshole, but she didn’t. Surely that means she’s changed, just like I’ve changed. If I forgive her, we can start over. And I’ll be able to let go of this anger and resentment. Let it go. Give yourself another chance—let yourself explore this possibility with her. Yes, forgiving her is the right thing to do. I don’t know why I’ve clung to my pride for so long. My heart feels lighter, and I’m almost giddy.

As unnerving as it is, I prefer him being nice rather than nasty.

so I’m only interested in an alpha-hole rather than a sweet guy who might be a little lacking in some areas.

“You’re the new owner?”

“Lock, stock and barrel,”

I’ve been there several times to play with Sebastian, who uses tennis to let off steam. He’s really good, and I’m one of the few of us brothers who can keep up with him.

she should’ve thought she was special because she was everything to me.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to do whatever it takes to let her know I’m sorry. As a matter of fact, I need to try harder to make up for being the Asshole of All Assholes.

You look at her the way I look at Kat. You want her happy, the way I want Kat to be happy.”

Your happiness means more than having a piece of paper from you saying I’m right. Besides, paper or no paper, we’ll both always know I was right.”

I was scared that telling you might make you hate me or think the worst of me. I was so afraid of destroying your trust. But I swear to you, I never spread the story about the bet or told anybody about our time in Malibu. It was too special for that.”

But even then I couldn’t stay away from you. I wanted you. I…”

“I didn’t want to admit it, and I fought so hard against it, but I love you. When I asked to start fresh, it was more for me—because I can’t fight what I’m feeling for you anymore.”

“I love you, Aspen.”

“What if I hate you?” she demands.

“It doesn’t matter. I still love you. I’ll never, ever leav...

I turn my focus back to her. “I know you don’t believe me, but I want you to know you’re my everything. I remember every second of our time together. I was riding Starfire when you chased me on the polo field. We danced to ‘La cumparsita’ for the first time, and again when we were in Malibu on that rainy night.”

“Our first real date was at an Italian restaurant named Benedicto’s. You were in a white Aquinas College T-shirt and denim skirt. Your hair was down, and you looked absolutely beautiful. We sat at the table by a window that overlooked a garden full of flowering rosemary. You had clam pasta, and I splurged and had the chicken parm, then we split a tiramisu for dessert because you said it was the best in the state. And you were right.” I smile a little at the memory. I’d give everything I have to be able to go back in time, erase all her hurt. “Your favorite fairytale princess is Belle from Beauty and the Beast. And I was the Beast, according to you. All roaring gruffness. And just like him, I didn’t make the best first impression.”

“Your favorite jam is an organic strawberry jam from Sun Valley Farms. Your grandmother told me you a...

“I asked because I wanted to get some for you, since you said it was hard to come by. During our visit, your grandparents danced to ‘Por una Cabeza,’ and you and Kenny tangoed to ‘Danzarin.’ All of you looked so happy together, and I longed to belong with you.”

He sits next to me. He smells amazing, clean and woodsy. “I’ve never brought a woman into this bedroom. Actually, nobody’s really been allowed in my home except the staff, my brothers…and my mom that one time.”

I notice tattooed lines on his shoulder. They weren’t there before.

“What are these?” I ask, tracing the first few with my index finger.

“They’re to mark each year I was away from you. There ar...

“I told myself I did it to celebrate that I was impervious to you, but in retrospect, what I was really doing was marking time. Like a prisoner stuck in a dungeon without windows, wondering when he’d be let out.”

I touch my lips to the rest of the lines that represent all the years we’ve lost. All the years we hurt. Grant wasn’t the only one stuck in the past. I was too. I couldn’t believe I could love, make myself vulnerable again.

“I’m never going to leave your side,” he whispers somberly. “I’m always going to be there for you. I’m going to prove myself to you even if I have to walk across broken glass to do it.”

“Why didn’t you throw them away?”

“I don’t know. I just…couldn’t. It’s like my subconscious was trying to hang on to the most beautiful memory of my life, even if, at that time, I thought it was fake.”

“Can you hold me?” I ask quietly, turning so I’m lying with my back to him. Wordlessly, he spoons me, his face buried in my hair. He cradles me protectively, like he’ll always keep me safe from the world. His body heat seeps into me, and I sigh, slowly relaxing.

And I realize this is where I’ve always wanted to be—within his arms.

“Sorry—biology. I know you’ve had a tough time of it the past few days. But I’d have to be a zombie to not get interested when I’m holding the only woman I’ve ever loved.”

“If you keep talking like that, I’m going to embarrass myself.”

“How?”

“I think I’m going to come before you do. And we ...

“You’re mine,”

“I will always be yours.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the sight.”

“What?” I look down. “What sight?”

“You in nothing but my shirt, ...

“Aspen, your hair can go gray and you can be covered in wrinkles, and I’ll still think you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. And I’m going to think what a lucky bastard I am to have you in my life.”

I just know my grandparents are dancing in heaven, gazing at each other with love.

I don’t trust his hands-raised gesture. He’s quicker than lightning when he wants to be, and he’s fooled me twice since I sort of moved in with him two Fridays ago.

“Making sure you’re okay is more important.”

Griffin and Sierra. I’m fascinated that Sierra is the CEO of an adult toy company. I looked it up, and it’s super popular. Not only that, it’s considered one of the best family-owned businesses to work for in California.

We sit at the table. Emmett smiles. “Welcome to the family.” I look around, a little confused. Grant and I are just living together at the moment. “Totally,” Huxley says. “But…” I pause. “Grant used to say love didn’t exist,” Griffin puts in. “Hey, that was before,” Grant says. “And due to a very large misunderstanding—” “He never had us meet a girlfriend until now,” Emmett adds with a warm smile. “Or let anyone live with him.” “So you might as well be part of the family,” Nicholas says.