Get In My Swamp

by G.M. Fairy

Most young women don’t imagine their bachelorette party at a swamp in the middle of bumfuck-no-where Florida.

He’s polite and professional to everyone he meets, but behind their backs will tear them apart like he’s Chef Gordon Ramsay and everyone is just an idiot sandwich.

The worst part about Lawrence would have to be his size. Oh, he’s tall enough, five-foot-eleven. The size of his little friend, though, let’s just say the rumors aren’t true about the correlation from hand to dick size. He has big hands.

It can be rather lonely being the only seven-foot, green, hilarious, and gut-wrenchingly handsome creature around, but it’s a cross I bear.

Gardening is also a great hobby for me. It keeps me busy, and there’s something just so erotic about moving my fingers in such a way as to make sure each delicate seedling grows to its full potential.

I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, but we are not friends. Stay away from me and stay away from my prisoner, or it will be your eyeballs I’m munching on for my next meal. Touch her and die.”

I think the feminist gods will forgive me if I use a little seduction to get out of the clutches of an ogre. Fuck that guy. Operation Pussy-Trap, commence.

She doesn’t seem like the type of girl to swoon over such basic decencies, such as not eating her, but maybe my good buddy Stockholm will help me out.

He could break my neck without even exerting much energy, and for some odd reason, that turns me on. God, do I need a therapist.

I’m not sure if I’m relieved or disappointed to discover he’s wearing pants, but not just any pants, no, gray sweatpants. Are you shitting me? They have gray sweatpants in his secluded wilderness village?

“You have two options. I can either let you go, or you can let me spread your legs open and lick your pussy until you’re begging me to fuck you.”

“I know I said I’d never eat a human again, but you taste so good. I’ll eat your pussy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”

“I don’t think I’m going to be able to walk back,” Liona says, breaking the silence. I sit up. “Did I hurt you?” I look over her body, glistening with sweat but dirty. She doesn’t appear to have any injuries. She searches my face and then brings up her hand and cups my chin. “No. I’ll just be sore. I’ve never been impaled by a monster dick before. It was top-notch, but yeah, I’m going to be sore.”